Episode 186 – Wednesday, September 27th, 2017 (7575)
In my current situation, I feel unhappy because of many struggles and problems that I’ve faced right now. Health problems in my family have affected my life at home because of my eldest sister suffering her illness. Distractions are always there especially at home because of my elder brother who has been jobless for three years where his bedroom is “shared” my bedroom thru one door and of my parents. And I have been exhausted in waiting for some miracles in my life because until now I still have no job (for 5-6 months) and no girlfriend (for 27 months) at all. That’s why my life has been so boring right now because of these freaking problems making my happiness ruined.
But there are things that I might be thinking of. These situations might not happen if I supposed to live in a comfortable and happy life and the distractions won’t come. What if… all these things that already happened in my life didn’t happen at all? What if… I might not be the same as what I have been right now? And what if… these good and wonderful things that I had before still exist until now?
Since I have been living in the City of Santa Rosa, Laguna for 25 years (actually just 24 and I’ll explain it later on), I just want to share about 25 what ifs that might change my entire life forever. These might alter my present life in the fullest. Few of these are already discussed in my past episodes in this blog, but I now explain more alternate scenarios that might not be the same as what I have right now.
If ever there’s a time machine invented (just like Back To The Future movie series), I could go back to fix my unhappy life in the past. In this topic, I just made a list of what ifs scenarios from the current situation back to the time when I was born. We will go backwards in time.
- What if… I didn’t leave my ill-fated job in Cabuyao?
I would remain there and have at least a job unlike in my current situation where I’m still jobless for months. I might not face my boredom and distractions at home where, right now, I help my family especially my ill eldest sister at home (making me as her helper though). I would have not supposed to stay at home whole day with lots of family problems especially her condition. Even though I had small amount of salary, at least, I had a stable job (but I might become an “alternate” breadwinner because she has been out of work for several weeks due of her illness).
Even though some of freaking workers bullied me while working, I would keep my patience to work there. And I might have enough money to save after working despite of being pressured by my mother who insisted me to give a bigger allowance even though I had a low salary from my work in Cabuyao (thanks to my monthly healthcare that cost more than half of my low salary).
However, in my real timeline last April, I simply “blew” and decided to quit my ill-fated job in Cabuyao after only one month because of these. Thanks for those who bullied me so badly making my career life ruined.
- What if… my beloved job in San Pedro wasn’t dissolved?
I would still have a nice job, and its office might still exist where I could stay for my own freedom as my “exile country” and go away from the distractions at home. At least, happiness might still be existed in my life. I had been working for a gaming magazine (based in Macau, China) in San Pedro for three long years with my beloved colleagues. But last March, because of low ad revenues and didn’t receive any assigned jobs for weeks, the project was dissolved (as we expected earlier this year), and this was the reason why our jobs were lost. As of now, some of us are still jobless after working in San Pedro.
- What if… I didn’t have any textmates in Post-LDR Era?
(For more details, read Episodes 93)
I would be happy in my life emotionally and financially despite of being single and having no girlfriend during my life in Post-LDR. I would not have any textmates as what it happened in my real timeline last year where I decided to post my mobile numbers in a public website that somebody were looking for their textmates. And if ever, I would not face a love and financial disaster where, in my real timeline (in August 2016), an evil chubby textmate, just called her as “Miss Parasite”, “hypnotized” me for her fortune, and I had almost fell in-love to her. I would not meet that lady who became notorious in my life and in my history.
- What if… the break-up didn’t happen?
Well, long distance relationship (LDR) with my textmate/girlfriend would have still existed today. And it would have been 5 years since we became lovers in June 2012. If somebody didn’t notice about my anniversary date with my girlfriend in June 2015, we didn’t end into break-up within few days later, and our LDR might still exist in my love life causing into happiness. I would not have any struggles in love where, in my current situation, I’m so desperate to look for another one (as what I’m doing right now). And for my textmate, she would not have another “boyfriend” who is an old guy in which many of my “guardian angels” became so furious in my real timeline.
- What if… I didn’t apply my job in San Pedro?
I would not feel a true “freedom” in the workplace. I might apply other companies and work there with stressful environment. There might have lots of strict implementation, hitting quotas, having a night shift schedule, and working in weekends and holidays which all of these were not present in the workplace in San Pedro. But thankfully, I was admitted in a simple had only few officemates in a nice office with convenience (around 11.5 kilometers away from home, nearer than all of my previous jobs).
- What if… I didn’t join any networking clubs?
I would have saved my money (probably up to 6 digits) and my time as well. If ever I didn’t join a club from Makati where they taught financial literacy, I might not end up to pay my healthcare monthly which I’ve done this for three years (in my current timeline). However, I might not learn something from my mentors who were my friends from the Feast.
- What if… I didn’t resign from my job in Mandaluyong?
I would have experienced “nightmare” at work where there were lots of inconveniences such as these two “freak” workers who bullied me, strict implementations, and slow computers and internet connection. These might continue to ruin my career, and probably I would have “no future” in a company in Mandaluyong, about 41.5 kilometers away from home.
But in my current timeline, I already left there for good and became jobless for the rest of 2013 (this led me to start my attendance and service at the Feast).
- What if… I didn’t fall in love with my textmate to have our LDR?
Well, I and my long distance textmate might remain friends as well and exchange our text messages during the course of her college studies. And I would not have a long travel going to Nueva Ecija to meet her in person for a date. But if ever we already met personally (and possibly) after being textmates, we might not end to become lovers as well but just friends or simple textmates. Also, I would not have experienced being heartbroken as what I had in the second half of 2015 where she broke me up to end our LDR.
However, there would be two possible scenarios if ever I didn’t fall in-love to her. It’s either… I would end up having a courtship to other girls to become my new girlfriend (probably a common friend or an officemate) or… I would remain single and having no girlfriend for many years (probably more than 10 years).
- What if… I didn’t resign from my job in Alabang?
I would have experienced some “nightmare” episodes where I might be transferred from one project to another (just like an NBA player who is traded to other teams) and forced to work 7 days and with three-hour overtimes. However, in my real timeline, after I left there in May 2012, there were some changes occurred in that company in Alabang. They changed their corporate name twice and transferred their offices to the present site in Northgate. One of my former officemates told me that the company became better with lots of benefits and special activities (such as summer outing) compared the time when I left there in 2012 because of mismanagement. She’s still working there for years. If ever I stayed there patiently for so long and didn’t resign, I might continue to work there that probably caused my career to be grown in the next few years (as what they already have right now).
- What if… those who called “parasites” didn’t borrow any of my finances?
I would not have some huge financial loss after being borrowed by someone for their needs (and never return back). These were just called as “parasites” because they needed to borrow money from others and in the years to come, they just forgot to pay back my money. I was quite unaware why I allowed to lend my money for them (mostly were my former officemates from Alabang). If I had been wiser back then, I would literally refuse to lend my finances for someone who desperately need for their daily expenses. I’m NOT really rich to help someone for their financial problems. They might learn something to avoid having a huge debt (utang) and never return back.
- What if… I didn’t have a textmate (who later became my girlfriend)?
(For more details, read Episode 23)
I would have saved my money to spend cellphone loads for my text communication with my long distance textmate. I would not fall in-love with her who later became my girlfriend having our (complicated) LDR, would not have a long travel going to Nueva Ecija to meet her for a date and would not have heartbroken feelings after our break-up two years ago.
I would remain my self-rule where I could not communicate any unknown strangers thru text or chat messages. That rule had been broken after I contacted my textmate who was unknown in my life until we finally met in June 2012.
- What if… I didn’t apply for my first job in Alabang (as graphic artist)?
I might end my job application to other companies, probably in Makati or Bonifacio Global City (BGC) in Taguig, and I might work as I.T. staff, programmer, software analyst, or other I.T.-related job rather than being graphic artist/designer. Although the working environment might have been similar as my current occupation (such as night shifts, etc.), I might work somewhat more stressful workplace and having pressure where I might be the one to create a major system software project for one multinational company (thru the help of my other I.T. colleagues).
- What if… I didn’t resign from a deaf travel agency?
I would continue to work in non-I.T. related tasks. Yeah, instead of being an I.T. programmer or system software analyst or even graphic designer, I might end up my career as a “security guard” where I needed to wait for a guest client to come almost midnight, a messenger where I walked back and forth from the office, an interpreter because of my deaf boss, and many bizarre tasks that I never learned from my I.T. course back in college.
One more thing that I supposed to not accept this bizarre type of job was my monthly salary which was way, way low (less than 10,000 pesos per month). I just accepted this job because of the referral from my beloved friends in a government agency that handles persons with disabilities (PWDs). Fortunately, in my real timeline, I just decided to resign from there after becoming ill for a week and became jobless for three months. This was the shortest time that I worked in a small company until early this year (I already mentioned in No. 1).
- What if… I didn’t join my boring group mates for a major I.T. project in college?
I might end up to join with my other classmate who were closed to me as my group mates in a major I.T. software system project if ever my chubby classmate didn’t join with them. I didn’t like her, just called her “Chubby” who was once my “crush”, to be one of my group mates due of “Cold War” because of having a boyfriend. Thus, I would have been happy to be with them as one group for almost a year because I already knew their personalities and traits and sharing our silly acts unlike what I had with my group mates, in my real timeline, who had too much egos and drama which made me so boring and unhappy.
- What if… “Cold War” against “Chubby” didn’t happen?
(For more details, read Episode 134)
We would have remained friends until now. I guess, if ever I didn’t fall in-love with that chubby classmate, there would have been no complicated situations that I had done in my real timeline such as declaring “Cold War”, not once, but twice when we’re in sophomore (second) year college (2007-2008). But I didn’t know why I had a crush on her during that time because of her kindness and being close on our friendship. But if ever her “old man” suitor or her freaking boyfriend came into the situation, my friendship with “Chubby” might have been saved, and the “Cold War” might never occur.
It’s sad for me that she’s no longer my friend because of her love relationship with her boyfriend, who was once a Feast servant and is now already her “ex” after I found out that he has a new one according to his Facebook profile (stalking?), which caused my feelings broken.
- What if… I didn’t have any college crushes?
Aside to “Chubby”, I would have not fell in-love or had feelings to other college crushes, particularly to my classmate who is a Chinese-blooded teenage girl. In my real timeline, all of my former crushes in college are already married (or living with their partner) and have at least their first baby while I’m still single and unmarried until now. But if I had other girl to be my crush or girlfriend rather than those, I might end up having a love relationship to that person (and probably became my wife if things would alter in my present life).
- What if… I didn’t get I.T. course in college?
(For more details, read Episode 173)
I would have enrolled to become a teacher (educational course) or an architect. If ever I would become a teacher or an architect, I might have a nice, comfortable job position unlike in my real timeline where I worked in a harsh working environment (night shift schedule, travel far from home going to the office, being bullied by co-workers, etc.). And I might have a stable job right now unlike in my current situation where I’m still jobless and having hard time to apply for a job as a graphic artist/designer.
However, if I didn’t take I.T. course at Polytechnic University of the Philippines (PUP) – Santa Rosa Campus, I would not meet my new classmates in I.T. who later became my close friends in my real timeline.
- What if… I didn’t enroll at PUP-Santa Rosa?
As what I mentioned earlier, I would have not met new friends who became my close classmates with fun and pleasure. There was some history that, before graduating from high school, I was suggested by some to enroll some big-time universities such as University of the Philippines (UP), University of Asia and Pacific (in fact, AFS Philippines endorsed me to enroll in that school after they sent me an application form to fill-up, but later I declined), and Lyceum of the Philippines. Also, I once took an entrance exam in Pamantasan Ng Cabuyao where my then-close classmate would eventually study there for his college.
However, I ultimately chose PUP-Santa Rosa to study for my college because of very affordable tuition (and also due of my mother’s suggestion). But if I chose one of these universities (rather than PUP-Santa Rosa) that I mentioned earlier, my college life would be different as well as my circle of friendship.
- What if… I didn’t study at IMS?
I would have been enrolled to other non-deaf schools that was public (IMS was a private school). I would not have bad experiences in my new school life such as being bullied by some freaking classmates and lack of educational system. However, if ever I studied other public high school nearby home, these bad things that I had might be the same as my real timeline most especially in bullying because I was too silent in one class. But I might meet my possible “true love”, either a classmate or schoolmate from other section or year level, if I was enrolled to other school rather than IMS.
- What if… I wasn’t transferred from PSD upon my return home from the U.S.?
(For more details, read Episode 170)
I would have my comeback at PSD to study senior (fourth) year high school again after the exchange program in the U.S. with lots of wonderful experiences. My school life at so-called “Deaf World” might be the same as what I had before my departure in 2004. But, however, my long-time deaf classmates (the Batch of 2005) would no longer be my classmates. Instead, the Batch of 2006, led by my deaf “enemy” named “Nita”, would be my new classmates with lots of complications because we’re not in good terms (due of controversy made in 2004) and might have any conflict situations in one class. And my supremacy (being No. 1 in class) at school might be disrupted because of “favoritism” where most teachers favored “Nita” who ended up being class valedictorian while I would come only to be second to her (it actually happened when she became valedictorian in 2006, but fortunately for me, I didn’t come to be No. 2 to her because I was already in a non-deaf school during that time (but not ended as the top 1 in class on the graduation instead)).
Also, my life would not be changed as well as being “deaf” student. And the shift from “Deaf World” to so-called “Non-Deaf World” might not happen as what it already exist in my real history back in 2005.
- What if… I didn’t apply for an exchange program that sent me to study in the U.S.?
(For more details, read Episode 75)
I would have graduated with my long-time classmates (most of them were my friends for more than 10 years) and marched with them in the graduation rites held in March 2005. And I might be with some of them to continue our college studies, particularly in College of Saint Benilde (CSB) in Taft, Manila.
However, in the alternate timeline, if ever my beloved teachers of PSD didn’t present me about the exchange program or I declined the application to become exchange student in early 2004, I would not meet the Woolmakers, my foster/host family that took me to stay with them together for almost one year. I would not enter my school life at Alabama School for the Deaf (ASD), as my host school where I had lots of most memorable moments such as joining Academic Bowl, having American deaf crush, etc. I would not experience a nice travel around the U.S. with the Woolmakers and my new deaf friends. And I would not have my best life in the U.S. where I stayed there for my “exile” to forget my bad situations and problems at home.
- What if… my deaf schoolmate didn’t “invade” my neighborhood?
She and her family would not have “stolen” my territory as well as my good neighbors. If they didn’t come in my community from their old home in Muntinlupa (still a mystery though), they would not become my “enemies”. And my life with my childhood (and teenage) neighbors would not have been ruined. I could freely gather around my community without seeing any distractions (enemies) around and have a bonding with my neighbors.
But actually… their “invasion” in my community already happened in my real timeline almost 20 years ago when she and her family surprisingly came into my neighborhood causing me into furious as it was the beginning of the “Deaf Invasion”. She was my deaf schoolmate at PSD when we’re in elementary, but she never attended school probably after fourth grade. I don’t know why. Her brother also became my “enemy” because of his personality – looked like joining a fraternity or a gang. And her mother was teasing to look me every time when she passed thru my house. However, when I was no longer at PSD after I came back home from the U.S., I just simply ignored them because they’re already in my past life although they’re still around. I’ve never seen my former deaf schoolmate ever since until early this year I found out that she already died several months ago due of her health reasons.
- What if… I didn’t enroll at PSD?
(For more details, read Episode 158)
I would have entered in an ordinary (non-deaf) school in Santa Rosa (probably in downtown or near my community) to study primary school (kinder or preparatory). I might have met some classmates or schoolmates who would be still my friends in the present times. And I might have fell in-love or a crush to someone who is non-deaf (unlike in my real timeline where I had several deaf crushes at PSD).
But in contrast, I would have not met my long time deaf classmates and friends and encountered some controversies that I had before during my school life at PSD in the past 10 long years. If my schooling didn’t delay because of my speech problem, I might have been enrolled earlier, probably 5-6 years of my age, in an ordinary school.
- What if… my family didn’t relocate our home to Santa Rosa?
My family would have still lived in somewhat slum community in Paco, Manila where there were lots of poor people who had their drinking session outside, poor sanitation (lack of comfort rooms, etc.), noise because we’re in the Metro, pollution, and of course, unexpected crimes. If we’re still living in our old home, I would have studied in a public school nearby during my childhood and met some classmates or schoolmates who might be my “unlikely” friends unlike what I have in my real timeline.
- What if… I wasn’t born in my present family?
I would not experience what I am right now (financial problems, having sick in my family – particularly to my eldest sister, distractions, noise, and some negativity). I might be born from a family who lives in nicer and wealthier life, but I might be also born from a poor family living in a slum or, worse, in the streets (I might grow up as street boy). Probably I might be born younger than what I am in my reality (born within 1990s, I think). Or I might be born from other country whose my parents might be foreigners or having half-Filipino blood. But these are just my “crazy” imagination.
But what if I was not born more than 30 years ago (thanks to the “unexpected” passion of my parents); I would have supposed to not live here at earth. And my life would not have existed right now (or I might be just a “spirit”, I guess). And all in all, including my blog, many things that I created in my entire life would not have been present. I would have been no friends, no education that I learned from school, no guidance, and no family that I lived for. That’s shocking.
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Oh well… these 25 alternate scenarios that I discussed earlier didn’t really happen in my reality. If one (or all) of these happened, my life would have been radically changed forever up to the present. For example, if #20 that I mentioned above happened in my alternate timeline, the rest of the list mentioned before that number (from #1 to #19) might never happen (or might possibly happen). And my life would never be the same as what I am right now where I’m now struggling and bored.
Being jobless, loveless, struggles, having distractions, financial troubles, family problems, and unhappy life are these things that actually occurred in my real life. And I’m now thinking about my future life that it will be either the return of happiness that once I had or still struggling as what I have in my current situation. But what do you think if one of these 25 what ifs happened in my past life. Would my life be revised completely? Or would it be the same in the present? Hmmm…
I hope I will overcome the struggles that I have since I lost my job 5-6 months ago. And the happiness that once I had 3-4 years ago will soon return into my life in the future.
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25 years in Santa Rosa, Laguna
Speaking of 25 what ifs in this episode, this month, I’m just wondering that it has been 25 years that I’ve been living in the City of Santa Rosa, Laguna with my family. Yeah, I’ve been here in this hometown since my family relocated from our old place in Manila, the place where I was born. But actually (and technically), it has only been 24 years in total and not 25. Why? Since my family moved to Santa Rosa in September 1992, I lived here for 12 years prior my life in the U.S. (until August 2004). Then when I came back home from the U.S. in July 2005, I’ve been living here for 12 years (2005-present). Thus, it’s actually 24 years where I’m living in this city. But because this is my residence where I live with my family, I’ve been a resident of Santa Rosa for 25 years. And that’s all.