I Want To Be On The Top Again

Episode 176 – Monday, August 14th, 2017 (7531)

I’m so bored, and I can’t make my own free and relaxing time at home because of many distractions. At one time, I found an old movie from my laptop that I got from my former mentor and friend from the Feast four years ago. I already watched this movie before, but I just want to replay a Christian movie entitled “Facing The Giants” (2006) where one man coaching American football team in high school had many struggles in his life especially for his struggling team. But when he was tired for his struggles, he found himself miserable and started reading Holy Bible. Thus, it was the beginning of unexpected blessings in his life. After having a losing streak, he shared God’s words to his football players and made them into motivation leading his team to win several games en route to the championship (his underdog team, called as the Eagles, upset the heavy-favored Giants a.k.a. “Superteam Monstars” that choked and blew 23-14 lead, hehehe). His old car was replaced into new ones. And his wife became pregnant after failing many times. While I was watching that movie, I felt a mix of tears and joy because he, who was struggling in the beginning, began his winning streak to achieve his triumph.

giants blew

As for me, I’m still struggling right now because of many problems – no job, no love life, the illness of my eldest sister, my jobless elder brother, financial troubles, etc. But as what most of my friends told me, these are just the beginning. Right now, I have been the “worst” stage (calling my darker times) where I’m not so happy in my life because of these bad situations. I have been jobless for months. I have no girlfriend for years. My finances are still unstable (thanks for freaking monthly healthcare). My eldest sister has been sick for weeks. My elder brother has been still jobless for years. And our home is still “toxic” with negativity. Oh well…

best to worst

Last year, I thought that the year 2017 would be my best year. But unfortunately, I guess it might be not (probably it’s even worse than 2016). Even there are four months remaining before 2017 ends, it might not be enough to surpass the best things that I had in 2014 as my best year. I have faced many struggles in the succeeding months after I had better times in January (Baguio trip) and February (Love Life Retreat). But how about 2018? Hmmm… let’s see. But I don’t want to predict about next year because I don’t want to have jinx in my current life.

Based on my 7-7 cycle (7 years and 7 months of having Best to Bad to Good to Worst stage), my worst times might end on or before September 30, 2019, and the best times will happen after that date (or probably earlier). That’s two years from now in the future. But I really want to end this worst situation right away. And if I’ll have a better life (within the Best stage), I will break this cycle forever!

the best projection

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Well, facing struggles are somewhat nothing new in my life. In fact, I already faced these in the past. Last April, I wrote an episode about my life that is somewhat like a “roller coaster” ride. It’s not just about a fun ride, but it’s my journey actually. In the past 20 years, I had already encountered this situation twice where my life was raised from the worst struggles to the best happenings that made me so grateful with lots of blessings. In other words, I had been from the worst to the best.

From Worst High School Days to My Wonderful Life in the U.S. (2004-2005)

In 2004, I was in third year high school at Philippine School for the Deaf (PSD), but I faced several bad things happened in school. Well, I don’t really want to share about these worst times most especially in school during the first half of 2004 because these were already “erased” from my Tent history records.

003-I was standing over Washington Monument in Washington D.C. (08-10-04)
I was at Washington, D.C. during my first days in the United States (Photo courtesy from Tent Archives).

However, it was unexpected for me that it would be my final days in PSD because of my application to become exchange student where I was qualified to live and to study in the United States for almost one year. Thus, on August 2004, my school life was suddenly changed. From having worst times in the first half of 2004, I had the best times during the second half of 2004 where I stayed in the U.S. with lots of most memorable and most wonderful moments. When I was there, I just forgot my problems that I left at school (and at home), and I just started to refresh my mind for my “exile” in the U.S. This was the beginning of my new cycle from the worst to the best (my life in the U.S.).

Because I had to stay there for one academic year, my best times lasted until the beginning of the second half of 2005. After my wonderful experiences in the U.S., my life was returned into a bad reality at home.

From Worst Controversy to My Colorful Love Life (2009-2012)

Fast forward in 2009, when I was in college, I encountered the worst situation in my school life. Boredom with my group in major thesis and the involvement of my former college crush into controversy were the things that made me so bad and even my life was almost ruined because of them. That’s why the year 2009 was considered as my worst year ever in Post-Deaf School Era (Post-2005/Post-U.S.). Although in the following year I began to recover from the worst incident, it was not enough to erase the trauma that I had in 2009. However, despite having worst times, one stranger unexpectedly came into my life thru text messages, and she helped me to change my life from the worst times into the best.


From the worst times and struggles that I had in the past three years (2009-2012), I finally achieved the best times when I got my new love life courtesy of my long distance textmate who eventually became my first ever non-deaf girlfriend. My worst times were finally ended, and my best times were about to start. For the second time, again, this was the beginning of my new cycle from the worst to the best (LDR Era).

Because of the best things happened, my life was so grateful most especially in 2014 when I received lots of blessings throughout the year (that’s why 2014 was considered as my best year ever). However, these didn’t stay and last forever and you know the reason why.

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If I had already done this before in 2004 and 2012, I will do this again in the near future! I’m so confident that I will rise again as what I did it before.

worst to best

It has been less than 5 months left before the year 2018, but I don’t think that I want to end the year 2017 right away. 2018 na agad-agad? I just want to have something that makes me better this year even though I have been struggling in the middle of the year. I really need to have a stable job, at least, before the “Ber” months. I really want to have a new lovable and sweet girlfriend (better and more deserving than the “traitor”) probably before Christmas or New Year, but I’m not in hurry though because, of course, I need to find a better job first and earn enough savings. How come when I treat someone for a date if I don’t have enough money to spend? And of course, my biggest dream, which is my own independence, must be in progress every time when I’ll get a new job and a new love life.

Having problems and struggles that I have right now are just the beginning. But I really want to end these worst situations and to start my best times that might probably happen next year or in 2019. My future might be scary yet exciting because I don’t know what happen next in the future. It’s just matter of luck and patience. As what the Holy Bible said in Matthew 19:26, “With God all things are possible.”



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