Episode 171 – Monday, July 24th, 2017 (7510)
The month of July is almost over, but I’m still in the intervening times because I’m still jobless for months. And the worst scenario that I’ve faced right now is the distractions at home where I have experienced, not only boredom, also illness as well. Earlier this month, my eldest sister, who is the only one that has stable job, was hospitalized due of her illness. After releasing from the hospital, she’s still not okay at all. But another unexpected distraction came at home. The “virus” spread over our home starting with my jobless elder brother who became ill. He has suffered hard cough and fever, and almost every member of our family became ill. Because his bedroom is connected to my “own” bedroom thru the only one door, I also became ill with heavy dry cough and flu. Even though I’m searching for the new job and invited for job interview, I’m not feeling comfortable because I’m still sick. The “toxic” environment at home has been the worst while I’m out of work.
Anyway, despite of being sick, I’m able to look for my better job because I’m out of work for few months, and I desperately need to have a stable job because if ever I don’t have this, how will I survive most especially for my future life? And this includes my love life that until now I’m still single. My goodness!
It has been 25 months since I became single and loveless after my long distance girlfriend “left” me two years ago for “non-sense” reason (I’ll explain about this later on). Instead having a plan to settle my own independent life because of her, there’s something that “ruined” my dreams at all. And in the past two years, I have hard times to find a right girl for my future. However, the financial disaster in August 2016 ruined my searching for my next dream girlfriend, so that I had some trauma to find a perfect girl and not a “parasite” who wants only money rather than love. This caused me almost crazy and filled with too much anger.
Last February, I attended Love Life Retreat to meet new single (and pretend to be “single”) people. After the retreat, I had a better chance to have a new girlfriend this year. According to my projection, I had about 90% of chance for having a new love life before the year 2017 ends. However, last March, my beloved job was dissolved after working for three long years, and I became jobless for months. This caused my searching to have a new girlfriend into uncertainty, and the chance of having a new love life that might happen this year became less (about 50% or less).
Because of my current situation where I’ve been out of job, I started to shy away from those who have been my crushes. I know that most ladies, who have their stable jobs, might turn off to me because I’m jobless (or no extra income), so that I might not entertain them. If ever I still had a stable job, I would amuse some of them that might end into courtship. But it’s so sad to me because I’ve now faced, not only being jobless, but also distractions and family problems at home. How can I entertain and court to some pretty single ladies out there if I have no job or any enough income?
Also, my observation to other girls is the one of the main reasons why I can’t find a right girlfriend. I’m not judging most of the single ladies out there, but to be honest, I don’t really like some who are just “parasites”, as in, they only solicit for money or look for a rich person (particularly foreign guy) even he’s not so handsome. That’s why I’m too analytic to fall in love a right girl who is so nice, sweet, pretty, supportive, not too pabebe, has real love feelings (I really don’t like those who just pretend or play with love and having a secret relationship) and most of all, must NOT leave me behind (like what my former love did). Yung tipong hindi nya ako iiwanan at hindi yung patagong relasyon!
Probably, because of my current situation, having a new girlfriend might not happen this year or before the year 2017 ends, but I’m still optimistic to find a “one true love” that she will be the “right key” to open my heart again after being broken for two years.
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Last late March, I tried to reconnect with my former love thru Facebook, and I was so surprised that she accepted my friend request after having no contact for 642 days since our break-up from long distance relationship (LDR) in June 2015. However, I felt she looked different compared to what I looked her two years ago. And I was so shocked when I found out from her Facebook (sorry for “stalking” her) that she has already a new partner (based on one of her friends whose his profile picture was with her together). I was quite stunned yet furious on this because she found another one to be her new boyfriend just few months after our break-up. Did she already “move on” from our break-up before finding a new one? She found a new one just few months while, until now, I can’t find a new one (after my LDR with her) in the last two years! Inunahan nya ako sa paghahanap ng bagong relationship, ah?
But one weird thing that I discovered on her Facebook was having their “baby”. Really? One of her photos was carrying a baby together with her boyfriend. If ever I found out that a baby is definitely her first born child, how come that she became pregnant while she’s still studying at college? Did she have a “love-making” with him while she’s not yet graduated from her college studies? Or was that baby just borrowed from one of her friends who is already a young mother? I don’t mind about these weird things from her. Although we already connected as friends on Facebook, I feel she’s no longer to entertain me to have any communication on her unlike before. I think she already changed her life at all.
But there are so many questions that I need to find the answers. Did she leave me alone to exchange with a new guy, who is slightly older than me, to be her new boyfriend just few months after our break-up? Was this the reason why she “left” me to be heartbroken because of that guy? Did she betray me to break my heart? Hmmm…? I thought she told me in June 2015 why she decided to break our LDR because of her parents that she would obey them and follow their advice to finish her college studies, but what was this? Few months later, she already has a “secret” (or whatever) relationship with that old guy at college where she studied. Did her parents know this? Pasaway talaga ah? Or did they favor their daughter’s new love rather than my LDR? Hmmm…?
I just observed her as same as what LeBron James did in mid-2010 or Kevin Durant did last year when they left their old respective teams after playing several seasons and joined a new team that would guarantee to get their first championship ring (although, in case of LBJ, he would leave the Heat four years later and decided to go back to his old team). After their most-publicized decision, many of their beloved fans in Cleveland and Oklahoma City expressed their anger and burnt their fan jerseys of LBJ (in 2010) and Durant (in 2016 after joining Golden State Warriors). Just like them, my former love “left” me to fall in-love (just few months) with “not-so” handsome guy, and my “guardian angels” and avid supporters (so-called “imaginary friends”), who were once fans of her, expressed their anger and criticized her as “coward” and “traitor”. They also disagreed about my reconnection with her last March because simply she’s already in my “past” life. Past is already past!
Most of my “guardian angels” don’t really like what they observed about my former love on Facebook (even if she will confess about the truth behind these weird things that I’m thinking of), so that they became furious and advised me to unfriend (or disconnect) her for better reason. To be honest, reconnecting with my former love last March didn’t help me at all especially my desperation to search for my new girlfriend in Post-LDR Era. This caused to be wasted despite that she accepted me as one of the people that she never forget towards her life. So, if nothing happens in the next several days, I will decide to disconnect her from any form of communication for the second time as I will forever forget her from my life, and I will forever close my doors (and windows, too) for her anymore (probably after my birthday or before the year 2017 ends).
Although I already forgave her and understood her own decision after she “left” me alone and heartbroken two years ago, I really want to forget her for better situation and concentrate my new life searching for my right girl who will truly love me forever and never leave me alone.