Why I Am Still Not Married Yet?

Episode 160 – Sunday, June 11th, 2017 (7467)

marriage but when

June is the month of many couples who are excited to be married. Marriage is the significance of entering a new family for the couples, especially the young ones. Still remember when I was young, my elder siblings and my niece or nephew had attended the wedding of one of our relatives or their friend as bridesmaid, grooms men or flower girl. However, despite of these, I have never attended any single wedding at the church almost in my whole life. The only occasion from my memory that I attended a wedding was when I was about 4 or 5 years old as flower boy (or something like that) with my partner who, incidentally, was my childhood playmate that up to this day she’s remained a “mystery”, and the wedding was held in non-Catholic chapel (I think it was Iglesia ni Cristo because of my relative’s religion). Up to this day, I have never attended any single wedding of my friends or relatives because they didn’t even invite me. Hehehe!

Two years ago, one of my former officemates in San Pedro invited me and my boss to attend the reception after he married with his long-time partner. Earlier this year, one of my Feast friends, who serve in Media Ministry, married with her long-time boyfriend that entered her marriage life. These newlywed couples are younger than me (within late 20s except for my former officemates who is already in mid-30s) while I am still single and unmarried! My God! I’m already 30, but still I have no girlfriend, fiancée, or even live-in partner! Damn!

Look my other friends who are younger than me are already married or having their child/children while I am… well never mind! Also they keep posting their profile photos with their partner (sometimes their baby) on their Facebook profile while mine…, ahhh just forget it! I don’t understand why I still can’t enter into a marriage life because of… damned responsibilities. Yeah, since I’m still living with my parents who are senior citizens (over 70 of their age), I have a lot of responsibilities to do with my family at home where I’m the one (along with my eldest sister who is never married) to provide our daily expenses (maintenances, food, electricity, etc.). I feel about this because of Filipino culture where the breadwinner (usually the eldest child) supports the family in basic commodities such as tuition for his/her siblings, paying monthly utilities (water, electricity, shelter), and food. I really don’t understand why parents pass their “torch” to their responsibilities to their eldest child (usually) that in the future he/she might never have a happy marriage life because of them especially when they become older (as senior citizens). That’s why my eldest sister becomes a breadwinner of our family because of this fate.

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For me, I’m still young since the age of 30 is still within adulthood (or maturity) stage, so that I can enjoy being single life. However, I might be afraid about my future because if I’ll remain single and unmarried, I might become the “breadwinner” (if I’ll still have a nice and stable job) in the time when my eldest sister will retire from her job (she’s already in early 50s though). That’s why I have fought my independence to set up my own life from my family and to have my own family to live if I have a future wife. But since I have no girlfriend and still unmarried until now, it might be disrupted because of my family. As in my current situation, I have three things why I’m still unmarried up to this day:

Obligation to My Family

As what I mentioned earlier, I’m the one with my eldest sister to provide our daily needs in our family. Yeah, my parents are already old and senior citizens; so that they no longer have any job that fits to them (my father was suffered mild stroke two years ago while my mother is just a plain housewife). My two other elder siblings already have their own families (the one who is now living in Bulacan and working overseas) while my elder brother is still jobless for three years (and without his provide savings after working overseas, I think). But the time when I’ve been jobless, my eldest sister is the only one to support our family, so that she’s the main breadwinner in our family because she chose to help our family rather than her own life where she has never been married.

The time when I had a nice job, I also gave my mother (usually) a monthly allowance right after my monthly salary from my work. I could give her about 25% of my monthly salary, but my remaining savings may not be enough to stay financially stable and to build for my own.

Financial Problems

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Having big enough of savings might lead young couples to set their wedding and to build their own family and their future. However, for me, I don’t have big savings from the bank despite that I have been working so hard for many years. That’s why my finances (or savings) haven’t been stable because of this one obvious reason – paying for my healthcare monthly. To be honest, I want to share why I’m doing this thing. In 2014, the International Marketing Group (IMG) gave me to learn financial education, and my former college classmate and friend (just called his name, “royalprince”) encouraged me to join the group where we learned to save for our future financially. And that’s what I did. Because of his encouragement, I also entered to obligate my savings to pay for the healthcare, provided by IMG, every month. Unlike other healthcare services provided by job companies, this is a long-term healthcare where I can use this eternally, whether I will get hospitalized or even unexpected accident costing my life. It’s ok for me to take this thing because this is for my future; however, I might make my “wrong” decision to commit this thing because all of my payments were from my salary or savings that I received from my previous job. When I lost my job, this became dilemma for me. Thanks to my former college classmate who not just helped me but ruined my finances.

Job security is the one of the situations that might disrupt in working career because if you lose a job, you will have no money provided to save for you and your future life. Just like me, I lost my beloved job last March after three years, so there’s no more cash flow (salary) that I receive in my bank. And because of most basic commodities become increased right now (in many years to come), it might have been hard for the ordinary employers to save for their savings despite that their salaries are not so high and not really enough for their budget. That’s why most Filipinos are taking their risk to work abroad.

In my career life, I could save lots of money after working hard for the companies that I was employed. However, there were lots of “parasites” that almost ruined my savings. When I was working in Alabang, one of my officemates who was pretty and “nice” asked me for something that helped her finances. Because of her beauty and charm, I just helped her after giving some of my money to her. Another one back in 2014 was a new friend whom I thought she was nice. But later on, when I found out that she begged me several times after I gave her some money, I became furious and blamed myself for trusting her. After the incident, I no longer have any contacts to her. And lastly, the worst incident ever happened last year was the “evil” chubby textmate who solicited me many times in order to pay for her expenses. She ruined not only my finances but also my feelings because she thought I was her “boyfriend” after our eyeball. That was the biggest and stupidest mistake that I had ever done because of being desperate to have a girlfriend after being heartbroken in 2015. That’s why, last year, my finances became worse because of these “parasites”, and I really blew these (na ala-Warriors that blew their 3-1 lead)! Damned! Please Lord, pray for these who really victimized me and my abundance!

If ever someone (or even my friends) will ask to borrow or to beg for my money, I will automatically reject him/her not just his/her solicitation but also our friendship that leads into excommunication (possibly becoming enemy and disconnect from any form of communication such as unfriend from Facebook). That’s my strict advice for those who want to borrow or to solicit my finances. In my 6-7 years of having a job after college, I think I could have my savings into six-digit amount if ever these “parasites” didn’t come to bother me and my finances. This could have been enough to build my own life with my own family in the future (having small business or buying a small lot to build my dream house). But it went to be wasted because of them. Salamat ah at nagtagumpay kayo sa mga evil-doings nyo sa’kin, mga hayop kayo!

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Hard to Find a Right “True Love”

That’s another problem to me. How to have my own life if I have still no girlfriend? Yeah, I supposed to have a major plan and to prepare building for my own when I had a (long distance) girlfriend. But my dreams were halted because of our unexpected break-up almost two years ago. Sayang talaga! If this break-up didn’t happen, we might set our plans to have our own family probably three to five years from now. And the distractions from my family at home would have been disappeared from my life. Unfortunately, because I’ve been single and no girlfriend for two years, I’ve now faced this thing so badly.

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Being “choosy” is one of the problems why I can’t find the right girlfriend to be my “forever”. I have lots of “qualifications” for those single ladies to become my future partner in life. There are lots of single ladies out there, but I observe that some are too snobbish (suplada) or think that she’s still single but in reality she’s already having a boyfriend (but still joining the Singles Ministry, so that I describe those who have already in a love relationship as “pretend to be ‘single’”). However, some girls out there are too obvious to choose for their future partner (usually they want men who are rich even they’re not so handsome because of… poverty). And having too many conditions of the girls is the one of the main reasons why I can’t even straight up them into a courtship. “Strict kasi parents ko eh…” (even she’s already 20s and having a job? Eh di wow!), “Dami kong responsibilities sa family ko eh…”, “Unahin ko muna yung responsibilities ko sa family ko kaysa pumasok sa love relationship…”, “Wala ako panahon sa boyfriend, boyfriend na yan…” (weh? Puro kapag sya nakahanap na, anu kaya yun? Sinungaling!) I might be judgmental to some, but I really need to be careful for choosing my “forever” because I don’t want to have any complications in my future (particularly they are now brainwashed by dirty Philippine politics!).

Right now, I’m still looking for “one true love”. But how can I find a right girl if I’m now stuck with these problems? I have no job, still staying and living with distractions at home, and my savings that might not been really enough to live or to set my own life independently. That’s why I can’t take a move to have a courtship with somebody (my crush or whoever). Finding “true love” who will love me forever might be the “ultimate solution” to set up my independence from the distractions and negativity at home. But if I can’t find and fail to have a girlfriend and eventually becoming a future wife, my life will be devastated forever! OH NO!!!

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It’s really sad for me why I’m still unmarried because of these problems. Unlike some of my friends who are younger than me, they’re already married or having their own family – having a child (at least) and living in a simple house that either they rent or share with other relatives. However, if only I know, they have also faced problems and challenges that motivate them in one family.

Having a happy marriage life might happen to me probably unknown because I don’t have any love relationship right now. I guess I still can’t prepare to set up for my own and to enter a serious marriage life with my partner because I have still learned many things to become matured and to be ready for my future. If these “stupid” things didn’t exist in my life in the past 7 years, I would have been already married with someone and lived in a simple house of my own. But these “evil” people pulled me down to waste my time and my savings that my future plans went to be brink.

But these were already in my past, and I need to start a new one to rebuild my plan to conquer my dreams without having distractions from the “evil”. And keep praying that I need to find a right job and a right girl to lead me into marriage and to set my own freedom from the current situations that I have right now.

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