Episode 149 – Wednesday, April 26th, 2017 (7421)
Good day! Right now, I have to remember my past memories where there were lots of the best and most memorable moments happened to make me and my life wonderful and happy. Last episode, I wrote about my three best eras in the past 20 years in my life, and I really missed the best moments that I had in happiness, freedom, and in love life. But in exchange, my best memories turned out into bad incidents where distractions came unexpectedly into my life. Although I needed to move on from the best, my life has been just a mediocre with some good (not the best) memories; however, I didn’t enjoy because of one worst case scenario which almost ruined my life. But then suddenly, my worst incidents turned into the best, and the routine has been on and on.
I have noticed that my life is just like a roller coaster ride; there are ups and downs. I was on the top before then slipped down on the middle, but I rose up little bit before unexpectedly fell down into the bottom. And then from the bottom, I rose up again to the top then slipped down, rising high but falling down again, and then back to the top again and so forth. I don’t understand why my life is just up and down. That’s so dizzy, isn’t it? And I also notice the cycle that affects my life in the past 20 years (and in few years to come). In short, it contains the Best, the Bad, the Good, and the Worst times. And there’s a bizarre fact. It has lasted up to 7 years and 7 months (91 months to be exact), and it has already done within this period twice (probably it will be the third time if whatever happens).
I’ll explain in this episode how the cycle flows and affects my life since 1997 – the year when my own “world” was born.
Cycle 1 (1997-2004)
The Best: Dominance/Happiness Era (January 1997-May 1998)
As what I mentioned last episode, this was the best era for me when I grew up from being a young kid. It was considered as “Era of Good Feelings” because there were no distractions, no personal problems, no enemies around, and no bad incidents happened. My life was so simple and peaceful. Because I was just a kid back then, I had a peace of mind in the community and in the environment. Relaxation and positivity were present, and socialization with my good neighbors existed. My school life at Philippine School for the Deaf (PSD) was so nice because I had many friends when we’re in third grade elementary. However, when I was in fourth grade elementary, distractions came unexpectedly into my life.
The Bad: “Deaf Invasion” (June 1998-March 2001)
My happiness during my third grade turned into sorrow when I was in fourth grade. Bullying, teasing, and judgmental affected my school life. And the worst was when one of my deaf schoolmates “invaded” my community which was (in my imagination) belonged to me. This ruined my childhood life with my neighbors who were once my playmates on the streets. The worst incidents were happened in May 2009 when her freak brother passed throughout me in front of my house and in August 2009 where her family entered my house for my nephew’s first birthday.
During the time, I couldn’t even go outside the house because of them who freely gathered around the subdivision. This made me furious, and my school life was struggled. However, after graduating elementary, I began to recover into good times.
The Good: Best High School Life (April 2001-May 2003)
When I entered for my first year in high school, there were some changes in my school life. I met new classmates and friends (who are totally deaf) and new subjects that I wanted to learn. I also joined extra-curricular activities such as High School Student Organization and Boy Scouts. And of course, I had a nice yet controversial love life where I had crushed to some girls around.
These were only my good times during the period (my first two years in high school) because of security that I was still bothered by the “deaf invasion” and some controversies involving my love life. However, when I was in third year high school, many tough challenges came into my life that I never thought it would become worsened.
The Bad: School Controversies (June 2003-July 2004)
I had a deaf crush who was also my schoolmate and a new transferee. I met her when we’re in second year high school; however, when we’re in third year, I seemed some changes in her personality. She became quite uglier and had a “relationship” with a lesbian. Eewww! That’s why I started to turn off from my feelings on her; however, the worst things didn’t end.
My love life was continued to have more controversies where I was accused as “playboy” or “chickboy” (really?) because I had several girls to be my crushes. Another worst incident happened in my school life was the jealousy of an “evil” student from fourth year because of my closeness with his favorite teacher. In September 2003, the school scandal was occurred where our principal was accused for corruption. By the next month, some teachers and students, mostly from my batch, wore their black T-shirts to protest against the longest-serving principal. It was coined as PSD “Mute-tiny” (sounded like mutiny but most protestors were deaf). And the biggest and worst incident happened in my school life in 2004 was the controversial “scandal” where I was accused as “gossiper”, and the karma came when I had an accident after I carelessly cut my fingernail. This was considered as my “punishment” on my “wrongdoings”. The year 2004 was really considered as my worst year during my life in PSD and in “Deaf World”.
For 7 years and 7 months, my life was full of the best, the bad, the good, and the worst memories that I had. However, after my worst times, these were absorbed into my best times. All of my worst times were erased and forever forgotten when the best things came into my life. It was when I stayed in the United States for almost a year.
Cycle 2 (2004-2012)
The Best: My Life in the U.S. (August 2004-June 2005)
Thanks to my application to become exchange student, my life became so wonderful when I went to the U.S. to study there for one academic year. It was considered as my greatest achievement ever in my entire life. This was the time when there were lots of the best and most memorable things happened in my life. I easily forgot my personal problems at home and at school. There were also no distractions or enemies around so that I had my own “freedom” to explore and to socialize new people. My one-year stay in the U.S. was referred as my “exile country” because of my wonderful experience and adventures.
However, after almost 11 months of my stay in the U.S., I didn’t expect that some bad things happened when I came back home.
The Bad: Adjustment and Bullying (July 2005-June 2007)
When I returned home from my wonderful life in the U.S., the atmosphere turned from the best into bad because many unexpected things happened. My school life at PSD was ended after 10 long years after I was transferred to a non-deaf institution. Thus, this was the start of my new “world” called “Post-Deaf World Era”. I needed to adjust again from being “deaf” student to become an ordinary student with my non-deaf classmates. However, I became unhappy at all because of bad things.
I was bullied by some freak classmates because I was too quiet and too shy within the class. Because of different environment from my past, I felt I was not comfortable, not only to them, but also in that non-deaf school where it was so messy, despite of being a private school, compared to two deaf schools that I previously attended. When I was in college, I began to recover from the bad things but not in my love life.
Looking for my first ever “non-deaf” girlfriend, I was trying to find someone to be my next girl. There was one classmate who also lived in the same community, and she’s looked so nice although she was flirting to other guys and exposing her whitening body which made me distracted. But despite of these, I tried to court her, but I failed. This was my first love failure in my new “world” after my dominance in love life when I was in “Deaf World”. However, when I was in second year college, there were good things happened.
The Good: Best College Life (June 2007-October 2008)
This was considered as my best times because of many good things. Although I had a “Cold War” to one of my classmates twice, my college life in second year was better than my first year. I had bonding with my silly classmates inside and outside the campus, and many happy and funny moments occurred with them. My best time happened during the time was my companionship with my pretty classmate that I had secretly a crush on her.
My best times existed until first semester of third year when some unexpected things came that I didn’t realize these could turn into the worst.
The Worst: Non-Sense Controversy and The Worst Times (November 2008-February 2012)
Entering second semester of my third year college, my college life turned from good and mild into the worst because of many worst incidents happened. In order to pass the major subjects, I had no choice but to join those classmates who were not so closed to me. Although I barely had any contacts with them, I started to have closeness with them, but it was not enough. Because of non-sense issues within the group and boring overnights, I felt unhappy to be with them as a group for our thesis. The worst was that we stayed together for almost one year (just like my “exile
in the U.S. but in the worst scenario). In October 2009, after we passed the defense on the major subject, I was finally freed from boredom; however, my happiness only felt short enough.
The worst non-sense controversy came into my life where I was accused for being “obsessed” on my former crush and classmate. I didn’t know why I did this so badly, but this worst incident was happened, not once, but twice! My God! In November 2009, my life was almost ruined because of one “non-sense” controversy that they tried to make the old issue bigger again which made me furious and filled with bitterness after my parents scolded me for my innocence. That’s why the year 2009 was considered as my worst year in my college life and in Post-Deaf World Era.
After the worst incident, I thought I needed to recover from the past, but still I couldn’t because of the worst things coming into my life. My security, being jobless, and having no girlfriend made me so depressed. Even when I had my first job in late 2010, it was not enough for me to have a full recovery from the worst incidents happened in 2009. It was because of my job where I was so stressful after working sleepless nights (night shifts), lots of overtimes, and of course, bullying in one workplace.
And again for 7 years and 7 months, I had the best, the bad, the good, and the worst times happened. In the new cycle, however, after few years of struggle especially in my love life from my worst times, there’s one stranger who changed my life forever, and the worst things that I had before turned into the best.
Cycle 3 (2012-Present)
Having Textmate and Long Distance Relationship (March 2012-June 2015)
Although we started to communicate from an accidental wrong sent message in February 2011, I was not aware during the time because of my stressful work. But thanks to my textmate, I felt I was not alone because of her who always contacted me thru text messaging. So, I started to have some love feelings on her until March 2012 when my love life was started to flourish.
To make the story short, I courted her thru text, and after almost three months of courtship, she finally answered me to become my first ever “non-deaf” girlfriend. Thus, we started from textmates to lovers as long distance relationship (LDR) emerged as the most colorful and most wonderful moment that I ever had in my entire life.
Our three-year LDR was filled with the best and most memorable moments that I had. Traveled alone going to her far place was one of my best memories. Although I became jobless in 2013 after my ill-fated job in Mandaluyong, I was still blessed because of many best things happened such as the introduction of The Feast where I started to attend and to serve God and meeting new friends. And my best and most memorable year ever was in 2014 where I received more blessings such having a better and happy job, meeting more new friends, consistency to attend and to serve at The Feast, and exploring far places including my trip to Hong Kong with my friends from a financial school. I really never forget the year 2014 because of these which made me so memorable and grateful.
However, I thought my happiness would last forever, but unexpectedly there were bad times happened in the middle of 2015.
The Bad: Post-LDR, Distraction, Tragedies and Boredom (July 2015-November 2016)
My happy love life was unexpectedly ended on June 25, 2015 when we disbanded our LDR after three long years. Soon after, many distractions and bad incidents came into my life. The phenomenal rise of AlDub made their wrong timing because I was fresh from brokenness, and I stayed away from those who have their love relationship especially they posted their sweetness on Facebook that’s why I just unfollowed from. In the following year (2016), I thought I could recover and move on from brokenness, but there’s another worst incident that came into my life.
Because of my frustrations to search for a new one, I tried to entertain some single ladies to become my textmates, but there’s one stranger that I didn’t know she would ruin, not only my love life, but also in my finances. The love and financial disaster came into my loveless life because of evil chubby textmate, and that was my worst mistake that I ever made. And the financial problems in my family turned even worse when my mother was ill and almost hospitalized, but our pet dogs were gone within few months apart.
Starting to recover from brokenness, I tried to socialize with others especially from the Feast, and the good times came through.
The Good: The Recovery and The Retreat (December 2016-Present)
I started to move forward from the boredom, my past mistakes, and the distractions in December 2016, the time when I attended and served Advent Recollection. Also during the time, there’s one friend from Singles who eased my boredom into socialization with other friends. She was the reason why I tried to join Love Life Retreat last February where there were lots of single (and pretend to be “single”) people gathered to receive blessings and forgiveness from their past.
After the Retreat, I have new friends to comfort and to have bonding each other. I thought I’m going back into happiness, but there’s one bad news came into my life. Last March 9, I became jobless after dissolving the company that I worked for three long years. It’s really sad for me because I loved to work this kind of job due of freedom and located near at my home. However, two weeks after, I got a new job (with a little enough of salary). But my current working environment is not so good for me because of verbal bullying from my officemates and pressure with rushed deadlines. I’m still thinking that will there be the worst times happened into my life in the future? Hmmm… I don’t think so, but hopefully it will NOT happen within few months. It’s because I’ve been in recovery stage from the brokenness especially after the Love Life Retreat.
— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —
Right now, since I still don’t have a girlfriend for almost two years, I can’t imagine I’m just in a “neutral” stage. It means that neither good nor bad times exist in my present situation. Although I have somewhat experienced some bad things happened to me right now, I don’t seem to have a misery into the worst episodes around my life. But I’m already from a “good” stage where I began to recover from my bad times where my life was so dull and full of loneliness after I came from my best times where I had a happy work and love life after my worst times where… well I’m just going back to my past. So, after having my good times, shall I have the “worst” times ever happen sooner? If these worst things might happen soon, these might last until September of 2019, based on the cycle which runs for 7 years and 7 months. What?!!! If ever this happens, I will have my worst times in my current situation. But what will these worst things happen into my life? Being jobless? Being loveless? Having worst incident happened in my life? Hmmm… I don’t think so.
I just imagine based on my “Best-Bad-Good-Worst” cycle what if the “worst” stage can happen right now and last until September 2019, what will these best things happen on October 2019, exactly 7 years and 7 months after my best times started to exist in March 2012? That’s so scary! My future has full of strange things that I can’t predict. It might be the best or might be the worst, and it might be a mystery clue for me to find out in the next few months or few years to come. I might see my best things in my future, probably next year, 2019 or maybe 2020, because, as what I learned a talk from the Feast, God is already my future! That’s a mind-blowing, isn’t it?
Well, have a nice day, and see you in the future.