Episode 145 – Tuesday, April 11th, 2017 (7406)
Within final week of March, there was something confusing from my mind when I decided to reconnect my former love in a long distance on Facebook. And unexpectedly, she accepted me to become friends again on Facebook after 642 long days. She eventually responded me on FB chat after I sent my simple message on her. This was the first time that we restored our communication after a long, long time. The last time that we had was a night of our break-up almost two years ago. However, after becoming “friends” again on Facebook a week ago, we haven’t exchanged our chat conversation up to now. I don’t know if she’s busy or whatever while I have a new job for almost two weeks from now. But I feel I have lost my “feelings” on her because she’s already in my past despite that she’s already a part of my life since we became textmates in 2011. If ever either two of us haven’t responded, I will decide whether I’ll continue to stay connect with her on Facebook or I’ll disconnect my contact from her forever. Well, but it’s too early to judge.
But before this recent happen, it was not my first time to reconnect again to someone who once loved. 7 years ago, I was thinking to reconnect to one of my old deaf enemies, and I almost did however. Well, in this episode, I just want to share my past experience where I had almost reconnected to my past life from the so-called “Deaf World”. Why did I tell “almost”? I’ll explain this.
Back in 2010… (again)
When I was still a (graduating) college student in early 2010, I began to restore my connections from my old deaf friends mostly from my old school, Philippine School for the Deaf (PSD). And because Facebook was starting to raise its popularity during that time, I also began using it to start connecting my past and present friends from my old “world” (which is “Deaf World”) to the new ones (which is “Non-Deaf World”). Suddenly, there was “pop-up” from my mind that I added one of my old deaf friends who was my former “enemy” because of her “best friend” who was also my long-time enemy. I just called her, “Ely” (not real name but somewhat related to her real name somehow), and who was she? She was my deaf classmate at PSD for two and a half school years (1998-2000). She left PSD because of financial problems but returned in 2002 when she was demoted one school year later than my class (Batch of 2005). Because of this, she became a classmate and “best friend” of one of my most controversial deaf enemies, just calling her as “You-know-who”. They both almost became my classmates at PSD when I was unexpectedly transferred to non-deaf school right after I came back home from the United States in July 2005. And since then, I never had any contact either two of them. But almost five years later, I just decided to reconnect one of them thru Facebook, and that was “Ely”.
On January 21, 2010, after accepting my friend request to her, she replied me thru chat to greet. We started to have our chat conversation during the course of early evening. But suddenly, I just asked her about “You-know-who” who, I thought, was still studying with her in college. She responded and also asked jokingly, “Why are you asking that? Are you missing her? Haha!” Then, I answered to her that I already forgot the worst times that I had with “You-know-who” (especially in 2004, months before I left for the U.S.). She understood my explanation, and she let me to look her “best friend” on her friend lists. However, I was thinking if I could add “You-know-who” on Facebook to become friends or not because I had a fear during that time.
But it was until February 16, 2010 when “You-know-who” sent her friend request to me on Facebook. I was surprised that she wanted to reconnect me after almost 6 long years of no communication. Because of this, I was in doubt whether I would accept her to reconnect again as a friend or not. This might be a sign of long-waiting reconciliation between us for the first time after long years of conflict that we broke down our friendship in July 2004. However, I almost did it for one unclear reason. Three days later, I just accidentally clicked “Deleted Request” (instead of “Confirm”) because I was so confused during that time. I had no idea why I didn’t accept her to be friends again on Facebook. But despite of my “accidental” rejection on her, I still opened my “doors” for her reconnection and also reconciliation. However, several months later, she didn’t respond to re-add me at all, so on November 15, 2010 (after the final judgment of my “guardian angels”), I just decided to excommunicate her. Meaning, she’s no longer to reconnect and to communicate me in any form. I didn’t regret for this, but it was worthless despite that I had already “forgiven” her after she did me so badly many years ago.
And for “Ely”, she was once my friend on Facebook, but because I decided to deactivate my old one (where I’ve used my current Facebook account), my connection with her has been “disconnected” for unknown reason.
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Oh well… I might regret because I didn’t reconnect her from being an enemy to a possible restoring of friendship. But I know she’s already my PAST. Past is past! And I must to move on to my future! However, I feel guilty because I’ve never seen, contacted, met or talked her for a long, long time that we might never do it in the future. Being reconnected from the old ones is one of the best ways to have reconciliation and forgiveness as what I’ve learned from Love Life Retreat last February.
I wrote an episode that was published in December 2015 where there’s a regret that most of my old friends (and lovers, as well) are no longer my current friends because of bad things happened in the past. Until the time when I decided to reconnect my former textmate/girlfriend last March, I feel not comfortable but yet so pleased that I restore a friendship/connection that once we had after a long time. Nevertheless, I feel better when I restore and reconnect my old friends from the past whether we had some bad memories or not for many years.
And because of this, I just put a nice music video titled “Old Friend”.