Episode 144 – Sunday, April 9th, 2017 (7404)


What’s up? It has been a long time that I didn’t post any new episodes of my journal because of my busy time at my new job so that I couldn’t have a free time to post on my blog because the computer at my work has lack of plug-ins and interrupted internet connection. And during the past week, I got sick because of different weather conditions. There’s a hot weather where I get lots of sweat, but sometimes there’s also a cold weather especially at early evenings while I’m taking my bicycle going home from work. Also, I feel so cold while working because of air-conditioning inside the office. Oh well, I hope I’ll get feeling well before Kerygma Lenten Recollection (KLR) where I’ll serve for the third time since 2014 (except last year).

Anyways, I have seen some people who keep their affection on public like holding hands, hugging, putting girl’s head into a shoulder of her boyfriend, and kissing (just kiss, not a deep kiss) which is very distracting especially to the single people like me. Even in social media like Facebook, they keep posting their photos with their girlfriend/boyfriend especially they put one of these on their profile picture in which I have never experienced this before. To be honest, since I started to use Facebook in late 2009, I have NEVER posted my photo with special someone (I mean, girlfriend) on my profile picture even when I had LDR in those years between 2012 and 2015. And again, during my LDR, I have NEVER posted any single photo of us, me and my girlfriend, from one of our romantic dates in Nueva Ecija or elsewhere on the timeline. It was because during that time I didn’t like to post about my LDR publicly. I’m not an actor or celebrity posting a photo with someone (even my family that I have never posted with them together). I’m not afraid to not post my photos, but it’s because of security.

fb profile pic
Note: this is just an example of a Facebook profile where his/her profile photo is with boyfriend or girlfriend together in which I have NEVER done this since I started Facebook in late 2009.

However, right after attending Love Life Retreat last February, I had a post where I took “twofie” (I’ll search about this) with one of my batch mates that she’s so cute and pretty. After I posted, many of our friends from Feast SM Santa Rosa reacted about starting our new friendship. Hmmm… I thought it was just a photo of two of us as [new] friends, but they seemed us as a new “loveteam” (are they sure?) because of our “closeness” each other. Well, I guess I didn’t offend though because I was so glad that they treated us for our new friendship. But there’s a warning. When I or other friends posted a photo of me and a pretty lady, who seemed to be my crush, they might think we would end as lovers. But it is either we will or we will not. I still remember, when I was working in Alabang, I had a crush who was one of my proofreaders that we’re taken some photos together (I guess that was after I received an award for the monthly performance). Many of my work colleagues thought we would end into girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, but we didn’t. Yeah, she was my crush before, but in the end I found out that she’s not deserved for my “true love” because of her personality that I didn’t really like (being snobbish or whatever). Even when I was in college, I had some pretty classmates who became my crushes. I had always talked with my friends about them that I was thinking my courtship to one of these. At one time, I brought some big gifts for my classmate crushes for their own birthdays just like what happened in 2006 and 2007. But in the end, I felt embarrassed after neither them became my real girlfriend. Since then, I had a fear that I might end into embarrassment after rejecting (basted) me, so I just remained silent when it was about my love life to my friends.

Most of my friends seemed me as “showbiz” because of my exposure that I accompanied with one pretty girl or a crush in school and in office, and they played us as “lovers” in their thoughts. But honestly, I don’t like their play around two of us. And that’s publicity about my love life. Kaya ayoko mapahiya sa mga friends ko dahil akala nila magiging kami na ang crush ko, pero sa bandang huli hindi pala! Paasa lang? Hehehe!

My love life is supposed to be sacred and not to publicize, but obviously most of my friends do “playing” for me. But when I had LDR with my long-time textmate turning girlfriend, I felt our LDR was so “peaceful” and not being publicized because, at first, she didn’t have any connections to my past/current friends (common friends, I mean), and secondly it was due of long distance, of course. So, during our romantic dates in various places, mostly in Nueva Ecija, there were no common friends spotting me dating with my girlfriend. And there’s no publicity even I didn’t post our photos together on Facebook to avoid “publicity” (and we’re NOT showbiz though). I only showed my photos with her to some of my friends from my phone, but mostly I didn’t tell them at all.

However, after our break-up, I started to not see any “sweetness” from some of my friends. I just “unfollowed” some who kept posting their sweet photos with their boyfriend/girlfriend on news feed (but remained friends though), and I just turned off a chat some of them who have their profile picture with their love. It’s because they distracted my brokenness during that time so that I didn’t want to see their “sweetness” on Facebook. Most of my friends, who are now reading this, might think that I was so bitter, but I just did my own right because I was heartbroken back then, and they must know it!


Anyway, back to publicity, as what I have said earlier, most lovers keep their affection in public places where they’re holding their hands, hugging, and kissing to show their “sweetness”. That’s called public display of affection or PDA. My gosh! Like right now when I’ve been single for almost two years, sometimes I observe some lovers (mostly they’re still college students) who have their PDA in public places especially when they’re riding in a public transportation. This makes me distracted because, of course, at first, I’m still single, and secondly I feel the absence of having a girlfriend sitting beside me. However, few years back, I had already done this PDA before when I had LDR. Every time when I went to her place in Nueva Ecija, we had holding hands, placing her head on my shoulder while traveling, and a short kiss before she rode on a jeep to go home separately. Yet, we made our PDAs before during our sweetest dates 15 times in the past three years. Obviously…, I really miss the way that I had a sweet girlfriend.

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It’s ok for those who are already (legally) married, but for those who just start their love relationship, well it’s up to them to show their “sweetness” and love publicity. In the future, if ever I’ll finally find “one true love”, I’ll be thinking about posting my photos together with my future girlfriend. I’ll also be thinking about having PDAs on her in most public places (I don’t know if she’s quite conservative because of being religious, I think). If we’ll be married soon (after 10 years or so?), we’ll be fine or else… we’ll be just never mind. There’s nothing bad to have publicity on love, but they must know to do this thing in the right place and in the right time. And I hope I’ll find the “right one” as soon as possible.


And speaking of publicity, my blog is a public site so that everyone can read about my life and its current situation. It is just a public “diary” for me, but I just want to share my experiences and happenings about my personal life and to tell my past memories such as throwbacks. So, enjoy your reading!


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