(In)Consistent

Episode 141 – Friday, March 24th, 2017 (7388)

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Beginning this year, I started to publish my new episodes on my blog every Tuesday and Thursday, and I did these for 10 weeks in a row. But it was until when I became jobless in my previous job. Right after I published a one Thursday episode, I immediately published my story about losing my job which was published on Friday, March 10, a day after the shocking announcement of the company where I had worked for three long years that we’re now dissolved. Because I don’t have internet connection at home, my new episodes that are scheduled to be published every Tuesday and Thursday on my blog are affected. My consistency has been broken.

Even in my previous job, I thought my job would be forever and remained consistent because of cool environment and convenience. But because of dissolution earlier this month, it feels it’s not really consistent at all. My daily routine where I woke up in the morning to prepare for my work in the last three years has been gone forever. It has been broken and became inconsistent. Especially in my past, when I was so young, I thought I had consistencies in life at home and at school. But they weren’t.

When I had the best times during the time I grew up into adolescence (calling as “Era of Good Feelings”), I was always thinking that my happy life would be consistent up to my adult life. But I was wrong. Distractions came through unexpectedly, and many bad things happened that bothered my happiness, not only at home, but also in my neighborhood. Even in my school life at Philippine School for the Deaf (PSD), despite of being not “deaf”, I was consistent in academic studies when I had been honored first place in the whole class in the past 10 consecutive years. That was consistent. But my streak was broken when I became an exchange student in the United States for one academic year. For the first time after 10 long years, I didn’t end to be the top of the class and missed the high school graduation at PSD where I was supposed to be valedictorian. But instead, my long-time deaf classmate named Carmi-Lyn was honored valedictorian which was only her second time to be the top of the class after kindergarten, a year before I came there to study and began my winning streak. My domination in PSD came to be end when I was unexpectedly transferred to other school after my returning home from the U.S., and my life in so-called “Deaf World” that flourished for more than 10 long years was over.

Even in the love relationship, I thought my long distance relationship (LDR) with my textmate would be consistent despite we’re living hundred miles away. But we ended into break-up. I still remember when we became lovers for our first year I had a plan to visit her place in Nueva Ecija every June (the month when our LDR was started), September (her birthday), December (our sweetest Christmas), and February (of course, Valentine’s). But I broke the consistency when I visited her for only 7th time in November 2013 (and I didn’t visit her until February 2014 because I was jobless back then).

Even in our communication thru text messaging, before LDR, we exchanged our text messages in the average of almost 10 SMS per day. When we became lovers, our text communication was increased about 21 SMS per day or averaging 631.38 SMS per month. But after our break-up causing the end of LDR, it became inconsistent at all. In the past 18 months since post-LDR, my text communication was a far cry averaging of only 2.55 SMS per day even I had some textmates who lasted only few weeks. Because of the advent of Facebook chat thru free data charges (even though I have hard time to look for the strong signal), I now barely use SMS to communicate some of my friends.

There are many things and events that don’t have any consistencies at all. Even in my life, I have some memories in the past where I was not so consistent. There are some notable things that I had:

  • When I was in elementary, I received ‘Best in Speech’ honors during the recognition day of PSD since I was prep. However, when I was Grades 3, 4 and 5, I refused to take the honor because I felt it was unfair to my other deaf classmates (despite that I’m not totally “deaf”). But in the sixth grade, I was just honored ‘Best in Speech’ recognition to credit my achievements in elementary (that award was only given for elementary deaf students at PSD).
  • I had my Social Studies class in my second year high school where I was almost consistent because I got the perfect score of 100 in every quiz that I took. I barely got below 100 (but higher than 90), but overall I got 100 in almost all the quizzes that began in second quarter of the academic year.

Perfect Grade and Sticker on Homework

  • When I was in the U.S., I went with my host family, the Woolmakers, to Sunday mass at the Catholic Church in Talladega, Alabama. However, I was not consistent to go and to attend because sometimes I was so lazy due of my rest day every weekend with them.
  • From 2005 to 2012, I was consistent to not celebrate Valentine’s because, you know, I was single and having no girlfriend back then. It was not until 2013 when I had LDR so that I had Valentine’s memories with my long distance girlfriend that lasted until 2015. After the end of LDR, I became single again, and no Valentine has been existed two years in a row (2016 and most recently 2017).

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  • During the time when I had a happy love life, I had almost been consistent to attend Saturday Feast Biñan at Central Mall (I really miss the memories on the former location). But when it was relocated to SM City Santa Rosa and the unexpected break-up of LDR in June 2015, I became inconsistent because I didn’t attend the session most of the times. In 2016, there was no consistency on my attendance at Feast SM Sta. Rosa (SMSR) because most of the times I attended other Feast locations nearby and rarely I just stayed at home or at the office (my “exile country”).
  • This year, 2017, I’ve been consistent to attend Feast SMSR every Sunday since January 8 (in the exception last February 26 when I attended Love Life Retreat courtesy from Feast Singles Ministry).

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We don’t have perfection in our lives. Sometimes, we have problems that we are easy or hard to solve. We don’t have a straight line to reach our goals; there are lots of obstacles and challenges that we encounter since we’re growing up into adulthood. But we have only two things that we need to be consistent: to stay positive and to keep praying on God. Without these, our lives might be miserable, and that’s what we need to reach to the top and to fulfill our dreams. We don’t need perfection to achieve, but we keep praying to be blessed and to receive more abundance. Well, have a nice day to everyone!

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