What If… I Have A Deaf Girlfriend?

Episode 124 – Tuesday, January 24th, 2017 (7329)

what-if-deaf-gf

In the past few days, I had not been so happy because of sickness that bothers me. I had flu, fever, and sometimes headaches that I was not so comfortable especially at work. I know it’s because a “cold season” that we’ve experienced right now due of northeast monsoon (or what we called locally as Amihan). And this airborne sickness can carry from one person to another that’s why I was affected this kind of “virus” because of my (jobless) elder brother who was ill a week ago. Thanks to the connection of our bedrooms that’s why I became ill because of him, and that’s why I used a half roll of tissues per day to sneeze my freaking running nose! Damned it! Hehehe!

Anyways, it has been 19 months that I’m still single and loveless, and I still don’t know what I shall do right now. It’s whether if I continue searching for “one true love” (OTL) as fast as possible or staying single and loveless. For most of the times, I sometimes have a panic to search for a nice lady to be my next dream girlfriend because… you know family matters. However, my love feelings may not be worked for some reasons anyway. And because the love month of February will come within few days as well as Valentine’s Day and since I’m still single anyway, I’m still looking for a nice and pretty girl to be my girlfriend.

Since my present life has been now belonged to the “normal world” (like you), it is not like what I had 12 years ago when my life was belonged to so-called “deaf world” where most of my old friends were deaf and studying in a deaf school such as Philippine School for the Deaf (PSD). Even though I’m really not “deaf” or somewhat hard-of-hearing, I have knowledge about sign language despite that I’ve no longer to use it because of different environment unlike in my past. I can use it when I encounter deaf people like those who have been attendees of Feast SM Santa Rosa lately. There are some deaf girls who are pretty and nice despite of their disability, and I might have a crush or fall in-love one of them. But there’s one simple question that I need to ask especially about my [frustrated] love life: what if… I have a girlfriend who is deaf? Yeah, a nice lady who might become my girlfriend right now is totally deaf as in she’s neither speaking nor having hearing and using sign language as the way of communication.

In this episode, I’m talking about my alternate scenario where I might have a deaf girlfriend, fiancée, or wife (whatsoever) if ever happen in my present life.

Overview

Since my life was shifted from my old “world”, the so-called “deaf world”, in July 2005 (or after coming back home from my wonderful experience in the United States), I’ve now belonged to the “normal world” with other ordinary people in the surroundings. My present friends are not like those were my deaf friends in the past, and the usage of communication has been vocal rather than using hands as sign language. And of course, my love life has been far different from what I had when I was in “deaf world”.

After a long time, I finally had a non-deaf girlfriend (who was my long time textmate) in 2012, and we had a long distance relationship for three long years. But before the happiest event in my love life happened, I had hard times to have romantic courtships to other girls who are non-deaf, and I had so many times to be failed to have my first ever non-deaf girlfriend. This might be probably because of having a “bizarre” curse in my love life called the “Curse of Deaf Sweethearts” (read Episode 47) where I had dated with deaf girls in the past. When I studied at a deaf school, I had some short “relationships” with some deaf girls at school. Some were just playing, but some were complicated (in which they turned into my enemies even up to present). For obvious reasons, I just omitted my love incidents happened during my life in “deaf world” because simply… it’s already a past! Past is past! And these are no longer to be written in my history books.

But since this episode is about my alternate scenario, this might change my present life into some complex reasons. There’s one episode that I had written last year (read Episode 75) where there’s an alternate scenario that if ever I didn’t go to the United States for exchange program and continue to study at Philippine School for the Deaf until the graduation in 2005 or coming back from the U.S. and continued my studies at PSD. If these did happen 12 or 13 years ago, my life might be changed forever in the present, and most of the events that already happened in my current timeline might not be existed in my “alternate” present life such as having non-deaf college classmates, attending Feast with my non-deaf friends, and working with my non-deaf officemates. And of course, my love life might also be changed right now where it might be the same as what I had when I was in deaf school. There’s a possibility that I would have a deaf girlfriend who might probably become my wife in my “alternate” present life.

deaf-gf-alternate

However, even my life was shifted to the “non-deaf world”, there’s one time when I had a “date” with one of my former deaf sweethearts in June 2009. I just made this thing because of my frustration to search for my first ever non-deaf girlfriend (which would happen three years later, thanks to my long-time textmate). But, because of her personality, I just decided to stop communicating with that deaf lady even though she claimed me as her “boyfriend” which was a “sort of” illegitimate. However, in my alternate timeline, if I would continue to have communication with her, she (or probably other deaf girl) might be my deaf girlfriend (or even my wife) up to the present. This might cause possibly for not having a textmate turning my first ever non-deaf girlfriend which actually happened in my current timeline (reality) in 2012.

This might be okay for me to have a deaf girlfriend if ever happens right now because of my background from the past; however, there will be some disadvantages that might affect my life especially in the future:

  1. Holding hands

Yeah, holding hands is really simple and sweet, but how shall we sign to communicate while holding our hands since my possible girlfriend is deaf? I had already experienced this problem when I had a “date” with one of my former deaf sweethearts in June 2009. Of course, she’s totally deaf, and when we’re holding our hands while walking, we had hard time to communicate using sign language. Obviously, we’re not “octopus” or having other hands to sign while we’re holding hands. I think this is probably the problem among deaf lovers. But let’s deal with it.

Unlike to my experiences where I talked with my non-deaf girlfriend while holding our hands closely, having holding hands with a deaf girlfriend might not be satisfied for a romantic experience.

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  1. Communication problem to others

Sign language is the mandatory way of communication for those who are deaf. If my possible girlfriend is totally deaf and can’t speak or hear, she will have a hard time to communicate with my non-deaf friends and my family. That’s a problem, not only to her, but also to me because I will be the one to interpret her (as her “translator”). I’m not offending about this for most deaf people, but this might be a reality for them. If my deaf girlfriend, in my alternate timeline (I repeat), wants to tell something, I must be there to interpret for everybody, not just my friends or my family, but other people around us. Or she can write on a piece of paper to understand others as her way to communicate.

I had already encountered this kind of situation when I was in “deaf world” where I was almost an interpreter of some of my deaf friends and also to my deaf boss when I was working for her in June 2010. Because of my background that I know to use sign language, she has an advantage for it even though she takes time to understand what other people speak. For me, it’s better to speak verbally to my non-deaf friends of my present life rather than to sign language for my old deaf friends from my past life.

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  1. Connection from my past

Because my possible girlfriend is deaf, she might have connection with my old deaf friends from the “deaf world”. You know that I have my past where I was once belonged to their “world” and their “deaf” culture. I had so many deaf friends there that some of them were my classmates at PSD for many years. Because of “deaf culture”, in my alternate timeline, my deaf girlfriend has deaf friends who are also connected to me. Even though I’m now belonged to “non-deaf world”, my friendship might be divided between deaf and non-deaf because of her.

If ever we will be getting married, I might be happy to have a marriage life with her; however, this next thing will be complicated.

  1. There’s a chance that our child/children become deaf

That’s true. Deafness might be hereditary, passing one ancestor to another. When I was in deaf school, my deaf classmate has her grandmother who is also deaf, so that her deafness was inherited. I have a distant relative who is deaf (I don’t know if he also studied in the same deaf school where I studied), and every time when he visits my family in rare occasion, he always wants me to have communication using sign language (of course, he’s deaf). Unfortunately for him, he hasn’t met me for a long time. I still don’t know if his deafness might be probably the reason why I might be “inherited” from him which cost me to be enrolled at the deaf school where I studied there for 10 long years. But I don’t think so. And I don’t even know about his personal life that his child/children are also deaf like him or not (sorry, I don’t have any information about him).

deaf-hereditary

Anyway, in my alternate timeline, if I’ll get married with my deaf girlfriend/fiancée or whatsoever, there might be a little chance that our child might become deaf. What I’ve mentioned, deafness might be hereditary, but mostly it’s not only if she has proper way of her pregnancy. Some possible causes that a child might become deaf are improper habits of the mother such as smoking and taking alcoholic drinks during her pregnancy. But the hereditary from a deaf person might be one of the causes. It may pass inheritably to a child or to the next generation.

— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —

Being a “deaf” person (student rather) is already “buried” from the past, and this is what I am right now living in a normal life. The so-called “deaf world” is already my past life, and if there’s something that I have a deaf girlfriend, my “world” will be again divided somehow. It might possibly happen, but I think it can’t absolutely happen because of my current “world” that I’m now belonged. That’s only my alternate scenario with some complications and possible consequences throughout my life if one thing or incident can possibly happen. But what do you think if I have a deaf girlfriend? Hmmm…

To be honest, I don’t blame myself why I don’t like to have a girlfriend who is deaf and can’t speak or hear. That’s why, for 7 long years, it was so hard for me to look for a non-deaf girlfriend to take away from the reflection of having deaf “sweethearts” of the past. And thankfully, I did it, in mid-2012, after my long-time textmate became my first ever girlfriend who is NOT deaf. Unfortunately, my long distance relationship with her ended with a break-up, and I’ve been single and loveless since then. And again, I need to look for another. Because within few weeks before V-day, I think I don’t want to take a part of sharing “love” to others. Am I anti-love? Hehehe! But I don’t think being desperate to search for my “OTL”, and I’m still praying that someday she will come into my life to open my heart again and to have our romance a happy, wonderful ending.

1i8xza

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