Episode 111 – Monday, December 12th, 2016 (7286)
This Christmas season, I’m not really happy because of the bad things happened in the past 11 months of the year 2016. Yeah, there were lots of distractions (my jobless elder brother, family problems, dirty politics, etc.), frustrations (losing financial savings because of freaking evil chubby textmate), depression (being loveless, alone, no one wants to talk with me), and hopeless (losing appetite, gaining my finances, and job security). I think these negative things stuck in my life right now, and I’m so tired to be bothered from these.
Anyway, I really miss the way from the past that I was so happy in life such as having a love life, nice stable job, and a happy family. These were happened about few years ago or since I graduated from college in 2010 (Post-College Life Era) or having my working career. Unlike in the present situation, my life was way better back then. I really, really miss these, and I’m about to cry when I remember these things in the past. Sadly, these were just fading away and didn’t last forever. Just like when the lovers break their relationship, walang forever! There’s no forever and there’s no eternality in life. Just like what I wrote an episode last October (read Episode 101), there were the things that I had before were simply fading away from my life in the past. I’m just comparing the things that I had before and I haven’t in the present. And there are the examples:
Long distance relationship and text messaging (2012-2015)
Yeah, I have always mentioned this in most episodes of my journal. You already know about this story where my long time textmate became my first ever non-deaf girlfriend ending my 7-year love drought. This made my love life so flourished despite of having long distance where we met for our romantic date only 15 times within three years. Our sweet communication thru text messaging was so better back then as we exchanged our text messages averaging more than 20 SMS per day. That’s why my happiness was always present because of this. However, as what I’ve mentioned this many times in the past episodes, we ended our long distance relationship in somewhat complicated reason regarding to her personal life. It ended my happy love life at the night of June 25th, 2015, and since then I’ve been loveless, dull, and feeling alone.
Having a long distance relationship was one of the happiest moments that I had making my life so amazing unlike in the present situation where it has been so boring. I thought we would last forever, but we didn’t. Well, walang talaga forever sa love life ko! And having frequent text messaging, as of now, has been almost absolutely dead where no one texting me. Even though there were some textmates that I tried to befriend them, it’s not really enough to surpass what my first ever textmate did in the past. I’m now tired, and I have lost my appetite to have some textmates who were trying to bring back my happiness, but it didn’t work.
Privacy at My Tent Office (2005-2010, 2012-2014)
Except when my elder brother had his short vacation for at least two months (2006 and 2008), my life at my bedroom including My Tent Office was so great back then. It was way better than in my present situation when my elder brother has been jobless. For those who don’t know, my bedroom is connected to his bedroom by only one entrance/door from the living room. That’s why every time when he is there, he ruins my privacy at my bedroom and My Tent Office. But unlike in the past when he was working abroad, I had my privacy all-day long.
I really miss the way when he was not here at home. I could do what I wanted to do in my own bedroom and My Tent Office. When I was in college, I could invite some of my classmates to use my own office for our school purposes. I really, really miss it. However, it has been almost three years when my elder brother became jobless after his job in abroad making my privacy at my own bedroom and My Tent Office to be vanished.
Happiness moments in Alabang (2010-2011 and 2011-2012)
During my first few months of becoming a regular employee as a graphic artist at ASEC Asia in Alabang, my career life was so wonderful back then. Even though I had been frequently moved to other projects in SuperMedia, I was happily together with my work colleagues who had been my friends since Day 1. However, my happiness at work was somewhat temporarily ended in June 2011 when I was forcibly transferred to Dex One where there was a stressful environment regarding to the schedule and frequent overtimes (9 hours plus 3 hours overtime for 7 days a week).
During the first few months of my stint at Dex One, I thought my life at work was going to be dull, stressful, and unhappy because of harsh working environment. But later on, thanks to my new friends at Dex One, my career life was regained to be better and happy, and even I just decided to not return to SuperMedia if anyone needed me there. My stint at Dex One with my officemates was better and longer than my stint in SuperMedia. However, my happiness at work didn’t last long when our team was forcibly transferred to a new project ending our job at Dex One. This was the way that I decided to resign from the company and to work at RR Donnelley (RRD) in Mandaluyong in June 2012 (that time when my love life was about to be blooming).
When I was working at RRD, I thought my career life and my happiness in Mandaluyong were better than I had in Alabang, but I was wrong. Because of harsh environment, strict implementation on quality, inconvenience, and snobbish officemates, I was not satisfied, and after just one year I decided to leave the company and to focus my service with the Lord at The Feast.
HOT Team (2013-2014)
During that time when I was jobless, I just decided to join with some Feast friends in a travel business where they promoted great discounts on most high-class hotels worldwide. They had their own team called HOT Team (H.O.T. – meaning Humble, Obedient, and Teachable). I became a member in October 2013, and I joined their team activities such as Travel and Opportunity Presentation (T.O.P.), Associate Meeting, and the Leadership Training in a five-star hotel where the members all around the country gathered to receive the awards for their achievement. Because of this, my life was changed into a positive approach where I stayed away from the negativity and the distractions especially in my family. However, like other things, my participation with HOT Team didn’t last long.
My former college classmate and friend who had been a HOT Team member in 2013 decided to shift his business from travel and joined in a financial awareness school in Makati in early 2014. After that, he encouraged me to join with them, and I did to form our team with some of our colleagues in Makati called the Abundance Team. However, my happiness with the new team was not so overwhelmed. I thought my happiness was better when I was at HOT Team than the new team where most members were so boring regarding to their serious discussions especially when they stayed until midnight. I also felt some displeasure to my colleague (my former college classmate) who was feeling “bossy” after he “commanded” me in our business. After our Hong Kong trip for the convention in October 2014 (as he asked me for some debt while we’re there), I just decided to not join with him and the team anymore because of some personal reasons. I was thinking that I would re-join the HOT Team, but I decided to not take any businesses involving with my friends. And my friendship with my former college classmate went spoiled because of what he did to me. Since then, he’s no longer my friend… as of now.
Although the HOT Team is still existed in travel business (they have traveled several cities and towns in the Philippines and some parts of Asia), I never resume my participation with them due of personal conflicts (may isa kasi dyan mayabang).
My Current Job at San Pedro (2014-2016)
In early 2014, after months of being jobless, I finally found the right company to be worked with. Since then, I’ve been working in a gaming magazine based in Macau. But during my first few months of my stint in San Pedro, my career life was so much better than my two previous jobs in Alabang and Mandaluyong. My work colleagues were so great even though they’re only few. We hanged out together to eat, to having bonding, and to relax. And the office where I’ve worked was perfect for me to stay so freely even during non-working days (thanks that I have keys to open the office). I might stay at the office better than staying at home because of the distractions of my family (thanks to my jobless elder brother). Because of this, I had my great relaxation, less stress, higher salary, and of course, my happiness However, in the past few months this year, I felt my life at the office has become boring.
As the lifestyle in Macau has been changed, the magazine that we made to design has been dull. Before, we made up to 120 pages for the bi-monthly magazine, but now we made only less than 60 pages. That’s why we have more idle time than what we had before. We have done nothing for almost one month because we haven’t received new articles for days and even weeks. And the worse, our monthly salary has become lesser because of tax reduction made by the recently-hired accountant since July. That’s why we’re afraid about our job security in the future. This makes my happiness at work to be faded little by little. But I’m hoping that this is NOT definitely the end of my working career in San Pedro. Please pray for it.
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For instance, I really miss these things that I had before. But now, they are already gone, and some can’t be brought back into my life again. If ever I have a time travel, I can go back in the past to reminisce and to enjoy my life into happiness. It’s because happiness is not present to my present situation. I have lost my appetite because I’m unhappy in my life right now. Thanks to those who ruined, bothered, and made me some problems. They are the antagonists in my life who ruined my happiness. I really miss happiness in life. It might not be happened every day, but at least it is needed to make me happy. But it is absolutely absent in my present situation.
I really hope next year and in the near future that the happiness and other good happenings will come back to make my future bright.
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No One Reads My Blog???
In the past few weeks, it seems that almost nobody reads my blog. I sometimes check the updates and the statistics where I observed the number of people visit and read my blog. Unfortunately, almost none of them visit my blog site. But I want to express why I’m doing this despite of expressing my feelings so badly (but not all times).
Alright, I know most of my friends think that I’m thinking and writing my journal about negative things happened in my life right now because they feel I’m so negative. But that’s the truth! If I’m trying to change my life into positivity, how come I’ll change if there’s a lot of distractions such as my family at home? Where shall I go to change my life? At home? You know I have NO privacy at home because of jobless elder brother who sometimes asks me for some money as he knows I’m the one who have a stable job for my family (along with my eldest sister). Most of the times, I like to stay at my workplace even during weekends to have my own privacy and freedom (for my “exile”), but I don’t stay there for so long because of freaking priorities (thanks to my aging parents). How will I set up my own life if there are distractions in my family? I can’t even save my finances for my future because of them especially my jobless elder brother. My God! That’s why I frequently write my journal to express my displeasures, grieves, and bad incidents happened in my life right now. I may post and publish my good stories on my journal/blog, but that’s so rare because of having freaking problems right now. I know most of my friends don’t read my long stories because of ignorance even though I know they’re so busy in their own personal things. They may ignore my stories either good or bad, but they don’t notice my displeasures especially in my family. If I’ll die, they might read my stories that were written and published when I was alive. They may forget my expressions, but if I’ll be gone in the future, they will read my forgotten blog/journal to remember what I did.
I’m so sorry to express this because of being desperate. But I hope you’ll understand.