Episode 99 – Wednesday, October 19th, 2016 (7232)
In the past few weeks, I have never tried to contact any of my friends, including my “textmates”, thru text messaging. That’s a kind of boredom, isn’t it? This is the reason why I’m so bored in my life right now because nobody text me to greet, “Hi” or “Hello”. If ever I send a text message to everybody, only some will reply. But the worse is that a friend never replies me back after my first text message even I already registered for unlimited text. I think he/she might be busy or talk with others.
Well, although I still have some “textmates”, I have never had any contacts with them because I’m so tired to entertain with them. Remember the terrible incident from an “evil” textmate called “Miss Parasite”? It caused me so traumatic, not only emotionally, but financially. That’s why right now I never trust all of the unknown strangers who might be the one to be my next textmate after the freaking incident last August! And aside of that, I have lost my appetite to entertain other people to be my textmates. That’s why boredom is still existed to me right now.
So, the biggest question is… will having textmates in my life be over? After 5 years of having connection with textmates, will the time come to end my contact with someone to be my textmates? Oh well, I’ll explain why having textmates became one of my memorable friendship that I ever had.
Having a contact with someone such as pen pal (letter senders but now already obsolete), phone pal (calling thru phone), chatmate (thru cyber chat room), and textmate (using text messaging) was not in my mind. Around 2008 when I was in college, I asked one of my “tropa” friends in my community to give me some of his female textmates. It was because I needed to talk with someone and eventually to look for my first (non-deaf) girlfriend. He gave me three textmates that I supposed to contact thru text messaging. But I didn’t. I just decided to not take any contact with all of them because of security reasons that I must not communicate with unknown strangers. I was thinking that they might have been connected to my “enemies”, but I didn’t know if I already judged them too early even I never contacted with them because of strict personal security.
Since then, I didn’t want to have a textmate from unknown individual because I thought he/she might be a “stalker” (wow ah) or a suspicious person because of his/her criminal background. I hadn’t had any textmates but not until February 2011.
My First Textmate
When I woke up in the afternoon because I was working for the night shift, I received a text message from unknown that I read something different dialect or language. I replied it telling that she might be wrong send. Suddenly, she replied me back, and we started to exchange our text messages. This was the start our long distance communication in which she became my first ever textmate. I had no idea why I was so attracted to have a textmate like her, and that became my history. To make my story short, we started our friendship as textmates until we began to fall in-love each other as I confessed her that I wanted to court her even thru text messaging. This was the main reason why I eased my boredom and being alone because of her. Months later, finally she answered my courtship thru text message to become my first ever (non-deaf) girlfriend, ending my 7-year love drought (or having no girlfriend). This was the start of our long distance relationship which was lasted only three years, and we met personally only 15 times. During our LDR, we continued to have text communication each other as we acted as textmates at still.
My Other Textmates That I Didn’t Entertain
Actually she was not the only one that I received her wrong text message to become a textmate. In late 2011, there were some unknown texters that I received their wrong text messages. I had contacted with them in a very short while because I prioritized my first one to be my one and only textmate. But in April 2012, there was another one came in my life thru wrong dial. The second one has her initials as same as my first one, and we just started to talk using our voice. And for the first time, I looked her face after I added her on Facebook (but until now, we’ve never met personally even she’s already living in Laguna area). However, since I had my commitment to court my first textmate, I focused to have text communication with her, so that I didn’t have any communication with others except only her.
The End of LDR and Start of Being Bored
However, on June 25, 2015, I and my first textmate turned girlfriend ended our LDR after three fruitful years of sweet, romantic, and memorable moments together. At that night when we broke up, I said my last goodbye to her, and she thanked me a lot after I received her text message for the final time. This was the end of our text communication that we started as unknown strangers thru text messaging in February 2011.
Since then, I didn’t have any textmate or searched for another one. This was the start of my depression, becoming alone and loveless in my life. Distractions came untimely, and my boredom was started to be existed. Within months, the inbox of my cellphone became almost empty like an abandoned place. From averaging 15 SMS per day in June 2015 when I had LDR (450 accumulated SMS), it was down by almost 96% when my text communication was averaging only 0.61 SMS per day (collecting only 19 SMS) in July 2015. This was because of the absence of having a textmate.
Searching for New Textmates, But…
Last January 2016, one of my officemates suggested me to look for “special someone” as he gave me one of his known friends. I tried to contact with that girl thru text messaging, and I didn’t waste my time as we started to exchange our text messages. Unfortunately, our text friendship didn’t last because I felt her as “non-sense” (asking me something that she didn’t know), and she’s not a better textmate for me. Although the collected SMS was high, it was remained lower than what I had done when I had LDR. I decided to not have any textmates, and my boredom and being alone were still existed until last August.
Because of my frustration in searching for “one true love”, I just decided to post my own mobile numbers to a website publicly where other people wanted to have their textmates. Fortunately, I picked a cellphone number from someone, and I started to have contact with her. There were some textmates that eventually became my friends in Facebook, and when I looked their personality, they’re just fine and pretty as well. But there’s one textmate whom I had thought she would ruin my “silent” life.
She contacted me after she saw on my post, and we started to have text communication each other. Suddenly she wanted me to meet her personally one day after we contacted thru text, and I accepted to her willing. On the next day, we met for the first time (read Episode 85) in a mall in Quezon City, and I had some affection on her probably because I missed the way when I had LDR before. To make my story short again, I didn’t really like her because of her “real” character. She’s just like a 2.0 version of my long-time deaf enemy “You-know-who” who’s also chubby like her. And she’s a “parasite” because of her demanding to send my money to her causing my savings almost bankrupt (she “hypnotized” me as she made her promise to return my money back in bigger amount). That was my worst and stupidest decision that I ever made. She’s probably the worst textmate that I have ever contacted. I became almost crazy for this “disastrous” incident that I had done emotionally and financially. Gosh!
Because of that worst incident involving with an “evil” textmate, I got trauma from contacting with unknown stranger as a textmate. Even though I had still had a contact with my other textmates, I started to decline my text communication with them at all. In late September, I had a chance to pick up another one to be textmate, and she did fortunate me to contact thru text message. We had exchanged our text message to talk each other almost the whole day even when I was at work. I was so glad that she had text communication with me a lot, and eventually she became my friend in Facebook. But unfortunately, like other textmates, our text friendship didn’t last long. I found out that she does not really deserve as my textmate because she had just to “play” with other textmates beside me. I felt her to be not a “real” person (even her name was just invented, I think). And one more thing, she’s too young and still studying in college to become my textmate (because I’m already in 30s) and living in a far place (in Bulacan) just like with my other textmates. (Note: although my first ever textmate was also young and studying in high school then college, I was so young back then (about 25) when she became my textmate later girlfriend.) So, I couldn’t have to deserve her as my next textmate (probably a girlfriend) because of my trauma in the past. After all, I just decided to not have any text communication with her and other textmates again.
I think I have never trusted any unknown strangers to be textmates again because of the terrible incident happened last August. Although I don’t even judge for those who are already my textmates in Post-LDR Era, I feel it’s not enough to fill up my happiness because of them. Instead of making me happy, they might make me into boredom by not communicating thru text message or even Facebook chat.
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Will This Be The End?
The reason why I stopped to text somebody was that they didn’t reply me back after my text message sent. That’s so wasted for me where I already registered in unlimited text promo then they would not reply me back. Kung kailan ako nag-register sa unlitext promo saka naman di sila nagrereply! It’s so irritating, isn’t it? That’s why I barely load my cellphone because they don’t have so much text communication with me. I know they might be busy, but I feel they “forget” me on text. That’s so sad. And that causes me into boredom and depression.
Another thing is the new technology where most of my friends refer to use chatting such as Facebook, Viper, WeChat, etc. However, not all have internet connection at home, just like me, and the 3G service is so weak in most areas to connect slow internet in our country. Although I have connected free Facebook thru mobile data, I’m not even satisfied because of slow connection and of course, my cellphone is old as using mobile data causes my phone easier to decrease battery.
Having text communication was the best way to stay connected and to ease my boredom. But because of freaking incidents and not so having contacts from my other textmates, my text communication with someone has been declined. And having a potential textmate might have been gone forever after some advised me to stop contacting other strangers to be my textmates. I know the risk of having a textmate from unknown, but I really miss the moment I was so happy when I had my first ever textmate who became my girlfriend. I really considered her as the best (legitimate) textmate that I ever had, and no other textmates can surpass her feat (averaging 17.56 SMS per day in our four years of text communcation).
I don’t know if it is the end of my text communication with textmates. No more textmates and no more text contacts (except for my friends who are barely texting me). That’s so sad. In the past four years (2011-2015), I had always focused my life thru text messaging (thanks to my first ever textmate) which changed me from being bored into happiness. But after the end of LDR last year, I have lost my passion to have a nice and legitimate textmate like the first one again. This led me frustrated, miserable, and alone because of without any text contacts. I’m thinking that nobody can ever do this thing again. Might this be the end? I think so… Right now, the text messaging on my phone is just like a “ghost town” where no one lives. But hopefully someday, my text communication will be resurrected when “one true love” will come in my desperate life.
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OMG! It’s already Episode 99. Yup, 99! I’m about to write my 100th episode of the Journal, and I’ll publish this milestone within next week. Have a nice day!