Episode 89 – Tuesday, September 6th, 2016 (7189)
In the past 14 months, sometimes I’ve gotten irritated every time when I’ve seen lovers in public especially in malls, holding their hands with romantic excitement (in short, kilig), giving nice gifts (e.g. monthsaries) and even the girl lay down on her boyfriend’s shoulder. I’m not getting envy to them, but I have something that I miss – to have a nice, simple (and legitimate) girlfriend. I miss the way that they’re dating together. I’ve gotten distracted, not only to the public, but even in social media where they post their photos together with their love relationships. It’s just like what I spotted on Facebook last month when I thought that the lady (who almost became my crush after she approached me with pleasure) was still single until I found out that she already has a boyfriend. And I got irritated because she’s still “active” in Singles Ministry even though she has a love relationship. What?!!!
Anyway, for those who have their love relationships, they level up in their status into “in a relationship” (just like posting their profiles on Facebook) while those who are still single like me are still on the starting level. It’s just like a game where the player must overcome the obstacles before advance to the next level. In love, when a suitor is passed the test of every girl’s heart, he will advance into next level which means his dream girl will become his girlfriend. However, there are only two possible choices when the lovers can pass into the next level. It is either to level up their strong relationship (engagement) or to break up which means “game over” just like a gamer that lose the opportunity to advance. This was so similar to me when my long distance relationship with my long time textmate ended with some complicated reasons. It meant we didn’t advance into the next level, and for me, I went back to square one.
In this episode, I just share, actually my own version, about the levels of having a strong love life. It’s just like a networking (or multi-level marketing) where an entrepreneur must work for his/her business to level up. I remember when my old friend, just called him “Mr. Brag” (or “M” na mayabang), said in his hard words to the audience during his presentation, “Level 1, Level 2, Level 3… bha… bha… blur… blur…” whatever! Hehehe! But this time, I don’t need to have downlines to level up for a love relationship. And this is NOT a scam! Hehehe!
Level 0 – Being Single and Loveless
This is started when you are young (since your birth, of course). Do you notice why there’s Level 0? Truly, as young individuals, you don’t have any feelings on love at the beginning of your life. Like a gamer, you just have to warm up before the start of the game of love. Sometimes, you take more practices and learn experiences (mostly from your parents) how to grow your love with one person that you’ll like to be with him/her in your future.
Level 0 can fall to you especially after your break-up (from the previous level similar to you’ve gotten “game over” from your previous relationship). It is also the place to move on from heartbroken, just like me. You may start to rebuild yourself to find another one. And if you find someone that you think he/she might be your prospect in love, you’ll advance to the next level.
I have a lot of friends who are still single most especially in Singles Ministry (although not all are still single, I told you). Most of them are still looking for their love relationship either thru acquaintance or even thru social media like online dating or searching for textmates (just like what I did). So, how long will I remain single? Oh well, I don’t predict when my singleness will be ended, but I hope this will be NOT forever in the rest of my life.
(Have I been ever in Level 0? Definitely yes since June 26, 2015)
Level 1 – Friendship then Courtship
It can be started as friends when you make your acquaintance to a stranger or unknown individual. In time, you might have some feelings to him/her as well as your crush. This may be the beginning of friendship turning into courtship. Courtship may last about 3-6 months depending on the girl’s feelings. When I confessed to my long-time textmate that I had feelings on her, I started to court her (thru text messages), and after almost three months of courtship, she answered me to become my first-ever girlfriend after 7 long years of love drought.
But again, there are two chances that you’ll face. It is either you succeed or fail (in other words, you’re busted (basted, in Filipino term) or friendzoned, in our modern world). You can advance to the next level (getting into a love relationship) or back to Level 0 (fail to advance). Well, I had already done this so many times when I failed to court someone to become my girlfriend. And that’s why I was single for 7 long years until things were changed (thanks to my long-time textmate). But if you succeed after a dream girl answered you to become your girlfriend, both of you will advance to the next level.
Some of my friends, again, especially in Singles, are getting to have new friends. For me, however, although I’m still looking for someone, I need to analyze the personality and characteristics of a particular person (especially to the girl that I meet or contact). Having a friendship is a priority, but if there’s something that having true feelings on one another, it may be the start of courtship and become a deeper relationship. And again, I ask you… how long? Hmmm…
(Have I been ever in Level 1? About 20% depending on my situation right now when I have friends or textmates that I analyze based on my love feelings)
Level 2 – In a Love Relationship (Having Girlfriend/Boyfriend)
Having a girlfriend/boyfriend is the happiest thing that you have in your life. Dating, holding hands each other, hugging and, of course, kissing are the things that you can do with your relationship. Romantic affection can be optional but must not be complicated (e.g. early pregnancy before marriage). Love relationship can last longer in years or sometimes even shorter (probably in months) depending on your situation.
But, like what I’ve mentioned earlier, there are two possible scenarios: either you’ll advance to the next level (which is engagement or commitment) or you can downfall into heartbroken break up (just like what happened to me last year). If you are ready to have commitment for your future, you’ll level up or else it’s “game over” both of you and back to the beginning (Level 0).
Some of my friends like my former college classmates, my former workmates, and even at the Feast are having their love relationships. That’s what I miss to have a nice sweetheart. And that’s why I just “unfollow” most of them in Facebook because they keep posting their photos with their boyfriend/girlfriend on the news feed. That’s so irritating to me while I’m still single and loveless (especially the time when I was heartbroken).
It’s so hard to have a heartbroken after having a long distance relationship for three years then suddenly it was “game over” for me and my girlfriend. I had been in the second level before which was the highest that I achieved in my love life.
(Have I been ever in Level 2? Yes, within three years from 2012-2015)
Level 3 – Engagement and Commitment
Engagement is one of serious and sacred things that you’ll have to commit to one person. It is the road to marriage when lovers are preparing to settle down for their own family. They are no longer called themselves as boyfriends/girlfriends, but they’re called now as fiancées. It might be such an excitement when a guy kneels to his girlfriend to give a ring for his marriage proposal and asks, “Are you marrying me?” Mostly, a girl will say, “yes” to her guy to become her future husband. How’s sweet, isn’t it?
But for me, when and how? I don’t know since I don’t have a girlfriend or love relationship right now.
(Have I been ever in Level 3? Never, probably about 5-10 years in the future?)
Level 4 – Marriage
One of the sacred things in your life is the marriage. I always hear in most stories that there’s a “happy ever after” on one couple. I remember last year when my officemate was already married to his long time partner (although they have already their first-born child), and he’s happy for the most important event in his life. Marriage can be made thru civil or religious (church) even though there are a lot of expenses (need for a bigger budget that is probably estimated about one year worth of salary, I guess) to do for just one big event in the life of one couple. It can be a simple wedding if you are in budget. But having a wedding can be an option.
Some few of my friends are already married either thru civil or in the church. Some were insisted to be married after having pregnancy (or after giving birth, in most cases) of their partner while others had already wed for their true love and faith.
Although I’m already in 30s and still single, some of my friends who are younger than me are already married and having their own family. That’s why I have a state of urgency to be married as soon as possible, but what I said in previous episodes, I don’t need to rush! For me, having a happy marriage in the future may be uncertain (I can’t predict it), and of course, who will be the right lady to marry me and become her partner forever?
(Have I been ever in Level 4? Definitely never, probably about 5-10 years in the future?)
Level 5 – Having a Family (Parenthood)
This is the highest level to have a stronger love life. Creating own family is the tough challenge for newlyweds (or something that most Filipinos are already becoming parents before their marriage or I mean “live-in”). Having a first-born child is the most significant event to become a parent. Of course, if you have a newlywed or “live-in” partner who is now pregnant, you must be happy for it to become a father for the first time.
However, having own family can be encountered a lot of challenges and distractions. If you remember one of my episodes about parenting (read Episode 73), you must know it. It’s just a warning, I think. Problems in financial, emotional, and even companionship can be triggered in your marriage life seriously. You’ll take and encounter these challenges so patiently to make your marriage life in long term (and lasts longer). That’s why most of the married people don’t keep their patience and easily give up causing their family life into “broken pieces”. Their companionship doesn’t last longer because of these distractions which end into annulment (or in other countries, divorce). That’s why there are so many single parents and broken families out there as they’re going back to “Level 0”.
Some few of my friends are already having their children either they’re already married or staying as “live-in”. However, although I don’t see their reality, I know they have faced tough and serious situations that may distract their marriage as one family. But despite of these, they must keep their faith (especially to the Lord) to have their stronger relationship and having one happy family.
As for me, I don’t know when I will have a happy family of my own because I’m still single right now. And again, my future about marriage may be uncertain.
(Have I been ever in Level 5? Absolutely never, probably about 10-15 years in the future?)
— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —
My Current Status
Just like a personal status on Facebook, I’m still at Level 0 which is single (and ready to mingle as what others said). Although I had already at Level 2 (or just Level 1 point something like that) last month after one of my textmates claimed me as her “boyfriend” (which was so illegitimate for me), I’m still remained loveless for 14 months after the heartbroken ending of long distance relationship (LDR). If this break-up didn’t happen last year, I would have been now in Level 2 at this stage (and might be advanced into the next level), but I was so regrettable. After the break-up, I got “game over” as I lost the “battle” and went back to zero (Level 0) to try again starting for a new “game” – searching for another one into a new chapter in my love life. As you know, try and try until you succeed! Yeah! That’s think positive! And again, I don’t need to have downlines or business partners to help me to step up, but I just need a nice, simple (and legitimate) girlfriend to level up my status! Hehehe!
For several months, I have read a little and simple booklet from one of Kerygma’s writer, Ms. Rissa Singson Kawpeng, entitled “Oh, God, I’m Still SINGLE!” I bought it late last year, and when I read it, I learned a lot of her advises from this booklet. Like most of my friends said to me, I must do to enjoy myself being single and to explore new things and new people that might be found for my future partner. God knows me when I will be ready to have a happy love life. And I keep praying for it to level up and to achieve my ultimate goal.