Still Looking… Actually

Episode 87 – Tuesday, August 30th, 2016 (7182)

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In the past two weeks, I’ve been still thinking whether I continue to communicate with the strange lady, just called her “Textmate A” (also known as “You-know-who” ver. 2.0, “Miss Parasite” because of her asking for some money, or “Miss Obsession” because of forcing me to fall in-love with her), or not by changing my mobile numbers (leading her into excommunication from my life). I think it was my mistake after I let myself to entertain her thru text messaging which caused me into trouble (thanks to what she saw on the website where I posted there that I was looking for potential textmate). Her obsession to me (as she’s so in-love with me without observing our real personalities), asking for some finances (I got almost “bankrupt” because of her), her attitude, and disturbances (mostly while I was at work when she contacted me) made me so stressful especially during the third week of August. If ever I didn’t have any communication with that “weird” lady, my life would be the same as I feel lonely and alone after having a long distance relationship last year. Right now, my life is almost ruined by her! Gosh! She’s so obsessed to me after she claimed that I was her “boyfriend” despite of the conditions that I made when we first met two weeks ago. She just hypnotized me to be in-love with her! Inaangkin nya ako maging boyfriend nya kahit ayoko at wala sa oras! Parang China lang, inaangkin basta basta! Hehehe!

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Anyway, yet again, that was my [major] mistake why I have done this to myself. I was careless on that situation because of my willing to find a right lady as soon as possible. I want to have a nice (and legitimate) girlfriend but not so fast in the wrong place and time just like “Textmate A” who claimed me to be her “boyfriend” (illegitimately) after our first meeting. (She’s just like China, isn’t she?) And again, I don’t want to rush to have a love life, understand? I want to end this kind of stupid situation because I try to not send any text messages to her (I’ve already changed my mobile number), but I feel so guilty if I’ll do this because of thinking her might be hurt so badly. Hindi ako paasa, but I want to help her to change her attitude and her love obsession to me. Probably, I’m now out of patience on her. But the best way to do is to pray her (and finding her future partner rather than me) to do in righteous way.

Well after the “worst” crisis (or trauma) that I’ve ever faced in my love life, I feel I’m back to zero as in back to single (and loveless) life. And I’m still looking for the “Right One”, the “One True Love”, or a nice and righteous girlfriend in legitimate way.

In the past 14 months since I became single and loveless, there are so many single ladies, either in the Feast or elsewhere, that probably become my prospects to be my next dream girlfriend (my second girlfriend actually). However, because of being doubtful, I’m not pretty sure if the lady that I’ve met is the one to be my future partner. I know and I feel I don’t trust everyone else because I’m so afraid to face future consequences such as being friendzoned or staying away from me after being courted (especially those who are my current friends). Trust issue is the most problematic reason why I can’t court to a friend of mine (with common friends that we’ve known).

I’ll show you some of my “prospects” that suppose to be my “candidates” to be my next dream girlfriend, but I can’t or probably hesitated for some reasons. (Please note that I just change their names for their protection and reputation.)

My Friends from the Feast

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(Photo courtesy from Feast SM Sta. Rosa Facebook page)

There was a nice lady, just called her “Pat”, who attended Feast in my hometown (I don’t tell the place) weekly. She’s pretty, wearing big glasses, and pleasant as she’s (almost) always wearing her nice dress while attending the Feast. I met her last year (probably when I was in a long distance relationship on that time) when I was an operator for Media Ministry, and she was introduced by my mentor in the said ministry who wanted me to help her to operate. Months later, I met her again for the second time when she hugged me for warming welcome with fellow attendees. She was looked so pretty because of wearing her white dress. And again, last March at Kerygma Lenten Recollection (KLR), I met her for only third time when we accidentally met in a terminal going to Enchanted Kingdom Tent to attend KLR together. This was the only time when we sat together to watch the annual event. But she went home before noon and didn’t finish the program which left me alone until the end. During that time, I asked her mobile number to have some contacts, but I didn’t. Although I tried to send a nice text message to her, she didn’t reply, and I decided to discontinue my communication with her.

Even though she’s looked so pretty, I have some hesitation on her because of her shyness (as I am). She has some friends at the Feast that are unknown to me. I don’t think if she can be my potential girlfriend because she’s too pleasant and religious especially on her commitment to attend Feast and to serve with the Lord.

Another one is from Singles Ministry that I just recently met her few weeks ago. Like “Pat”, she’s looked pretty and nice although she’s slightly older than me (as I investigated about her in Facebook). I haven’t talked her personally or in one-on-one conversation, but let’s see if I try to get closer on her (as I know she’s surrounded by her friends in Singles especially the one who almost became my crush after I discovered her having already a boyfriend, so that I’m hesitated on her).

But there’s a nice, single friend of mine that some of my friends encouraged me to court her. She’s my friend for almost three years, and we’ve been together in special gatherings inside and outside the Feast many times (KLR, Kerygma Conference, travel business, etc.). However, because of our friendship, we’ve known our personalities each other. There’s no problem if possibly I court her because she’s pretty, athletic (known as a runner), and smart, but I have some hesitation about her. Because she has so many connections (friends) that I know at the Feast, I don’t seem her to be my “one true love” as well as she knows my personality and characteristics (you know, sometimes I’ve made some mistakes and habits in my life), and I have my “own” world (but some of my friends told me that she also has her “own” world). Oh well, I don’t know why I’m thinking that “one true love” is just around the corner instead of looking elsewhere. Will she the “right one” that I’m looking for? Hmmmm…

Textmates… Again (?)

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When I was in college, I was not interested to have textmates to have communication thru text messages, but not until 2011 when my first ever textmate came in my life and eventually became my first ever girlfriend in 2012 after 7 long years of love drought. However, our long distance relationship didn’t last long after three years. So, until now, I’m still single and looking for another one.

In January 2016, I tried to post my mobile number on Facebook for possible contact with me as a textmate. Unfortunately, some of them didn’t last so long. Even though I had a textmate who was a friend of one of my officemates, my text interaction with her didn’t make even longer, and I felt her to be a “non-sense” textmate. But after 8 months, I tried for the second time. Fortunately, I had some textmates who eventually became my friends on Facebook.

Two of them are from Central Luzon but slight nearer than Nueva Ecija, the province where I had romantic dates with my former girlfriend many times. They have almost the same name, and like me, they were also from heartbroken relationships. When I had first contact with them during first week, we made lots of text messages to communication between us. But as time passed by, they barely contacted me for unknown reason. They could have some textmates beside me, and I also barely have a single text message for them. I feel they are NOT as good as my former textmate (turned girlfriend) who made hundreds of text messages (in a single month) to have text interaction with me. I think nobody (even my future textmates or girlfriend) can beat and surpass the text messaging records of my former textmate/girlfriend (she had more than 14,000 text messages that I received in the past four years).

As what I’ve mentioned earlier, one of my textmates made my life almost ruined because of her attitude that she’s so obsessed in-love with me and claiming me as her “boyfriend”. That’s really disturbing! Instead of becoming a good textmate, she made the worst because of her things that I didn’t really like. As of now, I have stopped having any contacts with her (leading into excommunication).

My second attempt to search for another textmate turned into a distraction because of “Textmate A” who almost ruined my silent life (and in my finances). If my first attempt was a failure, this time was a disaster. And because of trauma, I never try to post my mobile numbers on some searching textmate websites again. My close friend told me that I should not do this publicly to search for possible textmates. “Wag kasi post nang post eh, yan tuloy”, she said.

My Other Friends

Aside of my current (or not-so) textmates, I have also a long-time textmate that still I have never met her personally until now. I just call her in initials: JT (the same initials of my former textmate/girlfriend), and she’s from Mindanao. She became my (strange) friend when she accidentally contacted me thru wrong dial in April 2012, two months before I would have a girlfriend (but not her). I also added her in my friendship on Facebook and saw her face on her photo on the said social website for the first time rather than my first-ever textmate whom I hadn’t seen her face until we became lovers.

However, within four years of my (strange) friendship with her, we have still never met personally despite that she’s now working in my hometown in Laguna. Although I was asking her before to meet face-to-face, we never made it. But there are some reasons why I have some doubts about her personality. First, she only graduated high school where she went to have a stable job instead of continuing her college studies. I’m looking for a girl who must be a college graduate (probably optional). Second, she’s an avid fan of Koreans (e.g. K-Pop, Koreanovelas, Korean culture, language, etc.). Of course, I’m NOT really a fan of these (except for Korean food that I barely eat). And third, I first thought she was a Catholic, but she’s not. Yeah, her religion is not really a Catholic that I want for a girl. Religion issue is one of my main reasons and complicated things that’s why I hardly find a “one true love”. She must be a Catholic as my religion. But who knows, she might be probably my “one true love” only if she will decide to change, but it seems impossible.

Aside of her, I have another strange friend who’s pretty with a good look and charm. I met her when I was working in Mandaluyong where she was working as a canteen servant (am I right?). Mostly during break time, she’s serving food for the employees, and I was the one who selected the menu that she served. But because during that time when I had a long distance relationship, I just called her to be a friend instead. I seemed her almost perfect for me because she’s a Catholic; however, just like JT, she’s just a high school graduate and working in a simple job.

To clarify, I’m not underestimating them because of being high school graduate, but I want to make sure to have a bright future as one family (having stable jobs with good salary or having a good business). I know not all of college graduates in this country have stable jobs or have big income (in fact, few might become jobless after several years or some will work abroad). Some high school graduate might become successful more than we thought (mainly in business and entrepreneurship). So, the educational background of a prospect might be complicated in my life.

Strangers Elsewhere (Other Than Textmates)

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It may be hard for me, but I try to have interaction with someone unknown. Few months ago, my boss presented me his distant friend who’s still single but so shy just like me. She’s quite older than me, but she’s pretty though. When my boss encouraged me to add her on Facebook, I first sent a message to her. And I was waiting for her reply as well as her acceptance for being a friend. She became my friend on Facebook though, and we had only few chat. And that’s it. She rarely interacts with me thru chat (always offline), and oh well she’s not probably the one that I’m looking for.

Another, one of my former work colleague told me thru Facebook chat that there’s one lady (her friend and officemate in Alabang) who is also counting the years of being single, similar to what I am counting my loveless days and nights. She’s also working as a graphic designer and has skills in drawing, just like me again (although my drawing skills have been declined in years). And she has a lonely life, too. However, the only difference is that she really loves Korean – TV shows, K-Pop, Koreanovelas, etc. When I tried to add her on Facebook, she immediately accepted me as a friend even though we’ve not yet met personally. But, just like other strangers or even new potential textmates around, she’s not too much active in terms of communication (barely online). Even if I want to give my mobile number to her, I don’t think she will reply me at all. So, I just leave her as a friend (on Facebook) instead of having interaction between us.

Contacting with strangers (a friend of my friend, e.g. officemate) is just not worth it. Just having a textmate, it’s hard to have communication with the unknown for so long (probably takes only few days or weeks). So, there’s a slight chance if I’ll find a stranger to become my future girlfriend.

— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —

So What’s Next?

Well, for more than 400 days being loveless (and within two weeks that I had almost an “illegitimate” relationship), I’m still looking for the right one who deserves to be my next dream (and legitimate) girlfriend. And again, I’m not getting rushed to have a love relationship as fast as possible (just like “Textmate A” who’s in hurry to get a lifetime partner in the wrong place and time). My close friend tagged me two weeks ago about being excited in love, quoted by Marcelo Santos III on Facebook, right after I got excited to “Textmate A” when I first met her personally causing her excitement into getting love with me.

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English translation: You’re just excited when he/she talked with you. You only smiled when he/she recalled you. You just excite that you assume there’s something both of you. It’s not a love, it’s just an excitement. It’s just an admiration. Like a fruit, it’s not yet ripe on your feelings. So don’t be hurried. Don’t say “I REALLY LOVE HIM/HER!” if your reason is too shallow to tell. “Love” is simply not provided immediately because it seems the key of your life, you give your trust to a person. So you must know him/her well and make you sure on your feelings. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be okay. It’s possible. You’re in the right direction. But if you feel just an [romantic] excitement and simply bliss, take it slowly. Love is in the process. “You don’t like him/her. You just excite.”

Probably, I’m not getting and entering into a love relationship until the end of this year. I’m already moving on from the heartbroken relationship last year, but I’m still not moving on from the trauma made by “weird” textmate who’s so obsessed to me. Because I’m already old enough to search for “one true love”, I keep my patience to be ready for a serious love relationship that I’m waiting for and granting my dreams for my freedom. I’m still waiting someone who will come into my life in the right place and in the right time.

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