Another Love Mistake… Again?

Episode 86 – Friday, August 26th, 2016 (7178)

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Last episode, I shared my unexpected story about one of my newest textmates (just called her “Textmate A” better known as “You-know-who” version 2.0 because of her wearing eyeglasses and being chubby) who quickly fell in-love with me. This may sound so crazy because we only met for the first time a day after we contacted thru text messages (thanks to my post on a website where people were searching for their textmates). I don’t understand why the girl fell in-love to me immediately, but I notice that she’s also in urgency (as I am) searching for her future partner. For instance, when I met her personally to have a “date” last August 13th, I had some love feelings on her, but I didn’t immediately consider her as my new girlfriend (despite of having holding hands together) after she asked me about our “relationship”.

However, after consulting to my close friends, they advised me that I should not commit my “intimate relationship” on that girl because I hadn’t known about her personality and attitude. And we just met less than 24 hours after she contacted me to become my new textmate, so that I should not be rushed to have a new girlfriend like her as she wanted to be. As my week was about to start, I supposed to stop my communication with her thru changing my mobile numbers, but I didn’t. This was because I had “commitment” about her deal (that we made during our first meeting) that she needed to pay loans for a brand-new car. She asked me some money for her payments (such as car loan, gas and toll fee expenses), and in exchange, she would give my money back in bigger amount. (I don’t reveal how much that I gave, but hopefully, I’m still waiting for the return or else it will be another financial disaster that I did!) This was my stupidest act that I ever made in my whole life! I don’t know why I need to help her despite of her strange acts (considered me as her “boyfriend” even though I didn’t recognize her as my girlfriend because of her attitude). I feel she’s a “parasite”, not only in love feelings (she wants me to be her destiny even though I totally refuse), but also in financially!

Back to the situation that I had last August 13th, on that time, I was so confused whether I pursued my love feelings on her or considered her as a “friend”. On the next day, because of my friends’ advices, I decided to decline my feelings on the girl as well as her will to have a boyfriend like me. I felt I made her to be “friendzoned” because she wanted to have a love relationship as fast as possible and started to be obsessed on me (but I don’t think so if she does). But I only made my decision because I didn’t want to be rushed on love feelings of a person. And one more thing, I only met her less than a day after becoming textmates, so that I didn’t consider her as my new sweetheart as she claimed.

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Love Mistakes in the Past

I had several mistakes about love life in the past even when I was studying in a deaf school. I was in-love or getting a relationship to a lady, but it was only lasted so short because of complicated issues that I didn’t want to be happened in my future. So, I easily broke a “love relationship” to a certain lady which was also considered as “illegitimate relationship”.

Before the happen just two weeks ago, I had a love mistake after getting a relationship to the one from my past. In June 2009, my loveless and single life was within four years (and it would have been three years left before getting a new girlfriend in long distance). But there was a young deaf lady (just called her “Empress” or alternatively known as (in gay slang) Jehova Chuvaness Eklabu because of her [weird] religion, Jehovah’s Witnesses) from my past (Deaf School Era) who accidentally contacted me thru chat, and she asked me to have a date with her because she was still in-love with me despite of having our past “relationship” when I was in a deaf school (she was in fourth grade back then when I courted her).

Days later, we had a “date” in a mall in Pasay City, and when I met her there, she was looked so pretty and had her nice dress. I was intentionally “in-love” with her because of her beauty; in fact, we had our holding hands while walking around the mall. However, because I knew her personality where she devoted for her [weird] religion, I noticed her weirdness (that’s why she was wearing a long skirt similar to what I noticed to her fellow disciples in Jehovah’s Witnesses) as such as having a bible on her bag, praying before our lunch, and distributing leaflets (she gave me one) that promoted her religion. After our “date”, we thought we became “lovers” once again after three years (we met already in 2006, a year after I came back from an exchange program in the United States). However, I realized that I was already no longer in her “Deaf World” compared to my new world.

Although I regretted her as a young (she’s almost 6 years younger than me) and pretty girl to be my girlfriend, “Empress” was a deaf lady, and honestly I didn’t like her [weird] religion. I didn’t know, during that time, why I had liked her to be my next girlfriend, but I realized that she’s already my PAST! So, few days after our “date”, I decided that my “relationship” with her was considered as “illegitimate”, and my days where I was “in a relationship” in my status were invalid and nullified. In late June, I told her thru text messaging that I treated her as a friend only, and she immediately accepted (because she was about to start her studies in a deaf college). I think I “friendzoned” her in the first place. However, days later, she sent her text messages (in her wrong grammar) warning me to stop looking for another girl. I was livid because she’s no longer in a “relationship” with me after my tough decision, but she was so weird after threatening me that I must wait for her. Because of her weird text messages, I decided to halt my communication with her (by changing my mobile number) considered that she’s no longer to communicate with me in any form (excommunication, I mean).

Years passed by, I never hear some news about “Empress” anyone although I searched her few years ago thru social media (e.g. Facebook) that she already gave her first baby. I thought she was too conservative regarding love affection (because she refused to take my request to have some kiss even to her cheek while we’re dating in 2009), but why did she? Anyway, I just forget her from my present life.

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Almost Having a Love Mistake… Almost!

Do you remember when I shared about a nice lady in the Feast who wanted me to join Singles Ministry? (Read Episode 80) Well, I thought I had almost had a crush on her because she’s nice and pretty, but she’s no longer a single person.

Last August 14th, when I was so problematic at the time (because of love rush of “Textmate A”), I accidentally joined with her and her friends in Singles to have a lunch together. This was after my serving for Media Ministry, and I approached to my beloved friend, Carlo, to talk about my situation. But because on that time when a nice lady (I don’t mention her real name for security reason that she might be hurt anytime when she read this) was celebrating her birthday, she spotted me and wanted me to pick one candy with a simple word to tell my message relating to the Lord. I was so glad because she spotted me, and I was thinking I could join with her and her other friends from Singles to have our lunch and some bonding time.

Because I was thinking about my situation during that time, I didn’t look at her personally while we’re eating lunch. Save for my beloved friend, Sis Tess, who wanted me to meet to talk about my problem, I didn’t go with my [new] friends in Singles bonding after lunch. This was the start of my doubt with that pretty nice girl. Until on the next day, I investigated her identity on Facebook, and I discovered that a guy who gifted a birthday cake to her (as I spotted a photo from news feed) was her boyfriend, and I was stunned. Almost every time, I was thinking her because of being nice and pretty, so that I had almost a crush on her, but the truth had spoken. But I still don’t understand why she’s active in Singles Ministry while she’s already in a love relationship. Doesn’t this make sense? I thought all of my friends in Singles are single people, but some of them have already boyfriends! But why are they still active? Kaya nga Singles eh!

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But my goodness, I almost had some feelings to that nice lady if I didn’t discover about her and her connections. And another love mistake might be happened to me… almost!

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I had several mistakes about love life in the past even since when I was studying in a deaf school. I had been almost in-love or getting a relationship to someone, but it was only lasted so short because of complicated issues that I didn’t want to have bad consequences in the future (especially after marriage). I really don’t like to have a quick relationship after only met just few days following the first contact thru phone or thru social media. So, I easily broke a “love relationship” to a certain lady which was also considered as “illegitimate relationship”. Some people thought that I’m easily giving up regardless having a love life, but that’s my decision, and I sustain for it from my heart.

How about “Textmate A”? She really wants to have a nice boyfriend like me (she’s in hurry though to find her “future partner”), but I really feel sorry for her because I don’t give what’s inside my heart. I don’t hate her, but I don’t like what she’s doing to me (asking for finances, obsession in love (in fact, she invited me to have an overnight date with her in Tagaytay, but I refused), and her personality). I’m NOT deserved to become her boyfriend. I hope she will find a perfect man to love her deeply. Iba na lang mahalin nya, ‘wag ako uyyy! If ever I suggest her to attend a session in the Feast, she might be changed.

How about searching for “One True Love”? Well, I need to fix my mistakes especially after I posted my mobile numbers on a website where some people are also looking for textmates. There’s nothing bad to have a textmate, but there are some “parasites” (like “Textmate A”) that they want only for money (as solicitation). I have some textmates right now, but they are not the same as what my former first ever textmate turned girlfriend did few years ago.

I hope I will find a better girl who is not “parasite” and not so obsessed like the one in my present situation. The “one true love” that I’m looking for has good attitude, good personality, nice, charm and of course, beautiful to become my next dream girlfriend as well as my future partner. I don’t need to have rushed finding a new girlfriend, but I’m making sure slowly to find a perfect girl who will love me forever and ever.

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