Episode 74 – Friday, June 24th, 2016 (7015)
How about that! This has been exactly one year after I launched My Tent Journal (MTJ) thru my personal blog. I’m so happy because this is an accomplishment for me to share my stories within one year. But, in contrast, I’m so sad because this has been one year that I’m loveless. Yeah, I have still no girlfriend for one year. That’s another accomplishment for me to make myself being single for one full year. And it’s just a coincidence because after I published my first ever episode of MTJ on June 24, 2015, on the following night, my long distance relationship (LDR) with my long-time textmate/girlfriend was over. On that night of June 25, I was numb and clueless after we decided to break-up our LDR for some complicated reasons. I didn’t cry, but deep inside, my heart was crying and hurting so much.
Do you remember what story that I shared on the first episode of MTJ? That was about my date with my girlfriend in Bataan where we celebrated our third anniversary of love (aside of my other story about relocating Feast Biñan to SM Sta. Rosa). (Read Episode 1) That’s a kind of “wasted” because of our break-up right after published our story a day earlier. My first episode was not so memorable for me. Right after the break-up, I immediately wrote my second episode about that happen. And the rest is history.
And indeed, I have already published 74 episodes (including this one). Most of them were about my loveless, loneliness, and being alone. Some were about my troubles with my family. Some were about The Feast that I attend every Sunday. And some were just about my past stories from my archives. Right now, I will share two stories that happened in the past one full year: the Sadness and the Happiness. Let me share first about my sadness within one year.
One Year of Sadness
After the unexpected break-up, I was trying to pretend that I was okay, but the truth was that I was with sadness, not just only inside my broken heart, but in outside. Every time when I remembered the sweet memories, our sweet photos and the places where we dated, I often cried (especially when I was about to sleep at night) and regretted. Because of loneliness that I felt, I became alone and unaccompanied most of the times. I didn’t attend The Feast for almost three months (although I did attend one time in July 2015), and I became isolated just for myself. However, there were a lot of distractions that came unexpectedly to bother my broken heart.
In July, the AlDub phenomenon came into airwaves when actor Alden Richards (who’s also living in the same hometown as I am) and newcomer Maine Mendoza or once known as Yaya Dub made their sweetest moments on noontime show. Their romantic scenes (splitting TV screens because of their different locations) made a big impact among Filipinos worldwide and were also trended in social media by millions. But while most Filipinos were so kilig because of AlDub fever, I may not be happy with this. They made so romantic because of having love life while I was so fresh from the break-up. Aside of AlDub, the Pabebe wave, love songs like “God Gave Me You”, and calling “Bae” to handsome guys were also the main factors that made me so distracted. So, that’s why I started to hate watching Kalyeserye (stories from the street, I mean), listening their theme love songs, and waving like pabebe (I don’t know what’s the English equivalent for this because I have avid readers aboard). Although I had watched Kalyeserye during their few weeks, I only realized this was not really worth for me because I was just from a broken love relationship. Every time when most FM stations or public places played the love songs for AlDub, I just closed my ears or used my earphone to play my own favorite music on my phone. And while most of my friends were doing their Pabebe wave for taking our group pictures, I didn’t raise my both hands to wave as they did.
Another distraction was at home most especially my jobless elder brother who had always called me, “Meeerrr…!” (sounds like a goat). This was so irritating to me especially every time during my rest days (in weekends). Because of these distractions that made me so badly while I kept myself to move on from the heartbroken, I just went out from home to go around somewhere for my silence.
However, when I went out from home because of distractions, I felt I was alone and unaccompanied in most public places (especially at the mall). I had no friends to accompany with me, and I had no textmate to talk or to chat thru text messages. Every time when I was out from home, I was walking alone, eating lunch alone, playing at arcade alone, buying at a shop alone, attending The Feast alone, and riding in a public transportation alone without any friends accompanied. That’s a sad life for me, wasn’t it? Even until now, I’m still alone almost all of the times! My God! I’m so tired being alone!
But despite of being sadness, I have something to do to make myself happy.
One Year of Somewhat Happiness
Writing is one of my favorite pastimes, and that’s why I created a personal blog for my stories and commentaries about my life and happenings. I’m happy that my blog is now achieved its first year since it was launched exactly one year ago. I love writing articles, not about stories of my life, but also about surroundings that I’ve been involved.
Being independent (temporarily) is the one that makes me happy and free from troubles and distractions at home. Almost every weekend, I occupy the office in San Pedro, where I work there for my graphic design job, to stay and to relax alone and without any distractions and interruptions in my personal hobbies. Although I’m so alone and without accompany with any friends inside, I’m so happy to do my free time that I can’t do at home (because of my elder brother whose his bedroom is connected to my “own” bedroom). I also occupy to use internet connection and to cool up from the heat weather (my home is just like an oven because it is so hot inside making me so sweat even after I take a bath).
And while I’m occupying the office alone to have my freedom, one of my favorite things that I can’t miss is to watch live sporting events thru internet live streaming. When I watch some NBA games live (including the recent conclusion of the NBA Finals where Cleveland Cavaliers won their first ever championship upsetting 73-win Golden State Warriors in 7 games last Monday), it makes me so excitement and thrill, so that the happiness is present in me, and I just forget my problems that I have at home and in my present situation (being single). Since the office has no TV set, I just watch most TV programs from the United States live and in real time (with some seconds delayed) rather than non-sense TV programs shown in the Philippines. Sorry Kapamilya (Family), Kapuso (Heart), or Kapatid (Sibling) networks, I prefer to watch U.S. TV networks that they compete fair and no dirty “network wars”! Hahaha!
And lastly, attending The Feast is the place to make me happy. Even though I hadn’t attended for almost three months because of being heartbroken, I came back to attend (and also to serve) there just to make new friends and to have some bonding with them (although I’m not so much talkative or socialized with them). I have learned a lot from The Feast especially about brokenness, heartaches, loneliness, and having problems in the family. This is the way to make me optimistic and getting closer to God. And since early 2016, I have explored Feast, not just in SM Sta. Rosa, but in elsewhere in Laguna (Technopark and Pacita) and in Alabang (Festival and Town Center) to receive more blessings and to meet more new friends as well.
In exchange of loneliness, being single is just pushing me into happiness once more. I don’t need to worry some things just for a lady that I love. When I was in long distance relationship (LDR), I had worried (but not so much) about spending money for my travel going to Nueva Ecija to meet my textmate/girlfriend to have our romantic date or my time to keep communicating with her thru text messaging (compared to my present situation where my inbox has been almost empty because no one has sent their text messages to me). But now, because I’ve been single and loveless for one year, I don’t need to travel far, to have enough time for someone, and to spend money just for a date (instead, I just spend it just for myself).
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MTJ: By the Numbers
There are some of the numbers that I have done before and since the launch of My Tent Journal in June 2015:
0 – girlfriend since June 26, 2015
1 – being alone (unaccompanied in most public places outside home)
7 – years that I had been single before having a girlfriend in June 2012 (the longest drought in my love life history)
13 – text messages that I received from my textmate/girlfriend when we chatted for the final time (June 25, 2015 – the day of our break-up). Since then, we have no longer to communicate or having any contacts. =(
15 – times that I had met my long distance textmate from 2012 to 2015
32 – times that I have attended The Feast since the break-up of LDR
33 – the highest number of text messages accumulated in post-LDR/textmate (Nov. 22, 2015)
39 – text messages on a day when the break-up was occurred (June 25, 2015)
74 – episodes that I published on MTJ since June 24, 2015
196 – kilometers of my travel to meet my long distance textmate/girlfriend for the final time (June 12-13, 2015)
365 – days of being single (since June 26, 2015)
514 – total of text messages that I had on my phone since the break-up (as of June 19) (down by 85% from Jan. 1 to June 25, 2015, the time when I had a textmate/girlfriend)
1,103 – days of having a love relationship or girlfriend (the longest in my love life history)
2,753 – days of being single before the LDR (2005-2012, the longest drought in my love life history)
— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —
My Tent Journal is just like a TV or radio show where I’m the host and filled with “episodes”. But my passion in writing was begun as early as when I was in high school. Not until almost 9 years ago when I was in college, I started to write about happenings in my life (similar to a personal diary) thru handwritten on my old notebooks, and it was called All About Tent. It was only distributed to my close and trusted college classmates, either in my personal notebook thru handwritten or printed papers, during that time. However, I decided to stop my writing in November 2009 because of unexpected controversy that I had before (similar to “Martial Law” where the freedom of speech was bothered). Although I continued to write my happenings in life, I didn’t share to anyone some reason. But years later, I decided to resume writing my stories in life when I launched My Tent Journal thru my personal blog exactly one year ago. Although the first episode might not be memorable, it was probably the start of my [new] journey in writing stories.
I don’t ever imagine that my personal blog already reached its first birthday. There are already 74 episodes that I published, and there will be more episodes that I’ll prepare to start writing (or typing rather). I think probably it might be reached 100th episode before the end of 2016. That will be a milestone, won’t it? It’s fun to write even though I’m not excellent enough in constructing English grammar (I have no proofreader to check my writings, but I wish I can do my best to check some mistakes before publishing). And even sometimes, I don’t read what I am writing for. Hehehe…
One year of my blog is just a milestone. But one year of being single and loveless… is just a drought.
It has been one year of full of happiness and sadness. Once I write and publish a new episode, I don’t think about being loveless or any matter that saddens me while I am alone. But I am so blessed because writing is my passion where I express my happiness, sadness, displeasures, and many things that I’ve been involved. I will continue to write my stories in many years to come. And for my searching for the “One True Love”, I’ll pray and hope to find someone in the right place, in the right time.