Episode 65 – Monday, May 23rd, 2016 (7083)
I’ve been so lazy enough to write a new episode for my blog because my work at the office has been idle for days (and it sounds so boring to do nothing at the workplace). I feel so bored either at home or even at the office because I do nothing. Yeah, I have nothing to do with myself – just eating, listening music from my phone, watching movies on my computer, annoying and “bullying” from my jobless elder brother (as you know) and… sleeping all the times especially during weekends (my rest day). Well, I miss the way that I had chatting with my friends thru text messages especially during the times when I had a long distance relationship. But not in my present situation. Since I’m not closed with my elder siblings and my parents who are in 70s, I’ve never talked or confessed with them about something related in my life or even my problems that I know they don’t understand (and solve, too). Aside of that, they will not understand what I am talking for because of my speech deficiency (I’m not talking so loud and clearly). So, I just remain myself into silence at home. Wala na akong kakampi sa bahay kaya “shut up” nalang ako.
Even at my work, I’m not so vocal with my officemates because we’re just few. Our office has not 100, not 50, not 25, not even 10, but only 4 employees working weekdays! Yeah, we’re just only four working at the office. It seems bored, isn’t it? And sadly, we’re all male workers. (Note: our job is based from Macau where the main office is located there, so that our small office in San Pedro is just a similar “satellite” office.) That’s why I’m not so talkative while working inside and it is really unfortunate for me because of no female employees. But in contrast, I have a privilege to use the office anytime especially in weekends. Well, somehow, I really miss the way to talk with my work colleagues a lot especially when I had my first-ever job in Alabang 4-6 years ago where I had a lot of friends there.
Lastly, every Sunday, I always attend The Feast either in SM Sta. Rosa or elsewhere, and I always spot my Feast friends there mostly from the Media Ministry where I had worked there before as virtual operator. During the time when The Feast led by Bro. Dreus Cosio was in Central Mall Biñan, I had joined with them after the session to take our Light Group meetings or Connect/Care Group (CG) even we stayed longer until before midnight. But when it transferred to SM Sta. Rosa last year, I rarely joined with them. Immediately after the love offering and final song of The Feast session, I leave to go out and take my lunch somewhere (not inside SM Sta. Rosa) alone. Aside of having some security reason (because I don’t like to go around the mall where there are full of people (shoppers, lovers, etc.) especially during weekends), I have been “lie low” to socialize with my Feast friends especially during their lunch time after attending The Feast. Another reason was the changing of my mobile number where I didn’t like to receive any messages from my old friends especially they sent solicitation about their (networking) jobs (or pangungulit), so only few of my (trusted) friends know about my new mobile number. This led my SMS communication stats down by almost 90% after the break-up of LDR.
The BIG question is this: am I an anti-social person?
Well, I remember when I joined with Sis Tess of Media Ministry and my Feast friend, Gee, on our lunch after The Feast last March 6. I asked Sis Tess talking about myself as being anti-social. She noticed me that I didn’t go hangouts with friends and even I didn’t go with one of my elder siblings to gather or having some bonding time. Even in searching for the next dream girlfriend (or “One True Love”, I mean), I don’t have any bonding with other friends (especially in the Single Ministry of The Feast) because I feel I’ll be bored if I join with them who are always vocal about many things in our lives while I’m just too quiet to hear their discussion (sorry for what I’ve said this). That’s why I don’t socialize with other people (especially the new ones) who are not so closed to me (and it is difficult to look for a new female friend who might be… the “One”).
Almost every time, I always walk around the mall or elsewhere ALONE and without any companion. When I had a LDR, I had accompanied with my loved one around the mall, more than 100 miles (or about 115 km, I think) away from my home (my God, I miss travel far from home). And even when I was working at Alabang in 2011 and 2012, I was accompanying with my officemates going home from our work. But now…, my socialization with my friends and other people has been declined because most of the times I do myself ALONE such as walking around the mall, travel, eating lunch in a restaurant, and even attending The Feast without any known friends accompanied. Being ALONE in the public places is the loneliest part in my whole life after the break-up.
— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —
Well, it’s so sad for me to have my life to be alone almost all the times (except at home). I’ve been single for a long time. It has been more than 333 days or 47½ weeks that I’ve been alone especially in the public places (like malls) where I’ve been walking without any companion or friend. I’m so tired being alone that I’ve been almost in my entire life.
If I have a good and trusted friend who is not so makulit and easily understanding about my feelings, my problems, and my ideas, I will accompany him (or her, much better) all the times when we go out to have bonding each other. And most of all, if I’ll find “One True Love”, I will always accompany her in most public places to have our sweetest memories and to stay away my loneliness where I’ve been alone almost in my entire life. I’ll always pray to search for the right girl who will love me and accompany with me forever and ever.
— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —
While I was writing this episode at my “own” office, my jobless elder brother, who was inside his bedroom which is connected to my “own” bedroom, jokingly told me that he needed me to have a massage on him. But I just created this meme as I responded:
Damn! By next weekend, I will go out from the house (aside of being very hot inside, there are lots of “distractions” especially from him) and to stay ALONE at the office to have my FREEDOM!