What If… I Was Born to be the Eldest?

Episode 59 – Monday, April 18th, 2016 (7048)

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(Photo courtesy from Wattpad)

Ahhhh…. I don’t really appreciate the environment at home because of the practices that my family does every day (except my other elder brother who is living with his own family) – my aged father who is always watching TV especially basketball games, my aged mother who loves to watch her “idol” (which is non-sense AlDub), my eldest sisters (who are both twins) who sometimes fight about their purposes, and my jobless elder brother who is always calling me my nickname sounds like a goat: “Meeerrr!” (I really hate that calling!). All of these make me dissatisfied and unhappy. Unfortunately, I can’t change their environment and habits in the house because I’m just only the youngest among our siblings.

Being the youngest (or bunso in our Filipino culture) is really hard for me because I’m the youngest in the family. There are some struggles that I have experienced being the youngest (if you’re related to be the youngest, click and read an article: 8 Struggles Only a Bunso Will Understand by anonymous). In this episode, I’m now thinking, especially to myself, that what if… I was born to be the eldest? It might be complicated if I can change all of my family’s personal and physical appearances. Let’s discuss it.

I have two simple situations that I would face if I’m the eldest, instead of the youngest (or bunso), in the family: my young parents and my younger siblings.

  1. My young parents

In my reality, my parents are already too old in their 70s (born as Traditionalists and already senior citizens). They are also having their chronic diseases (but not the worst) like mild stroke where my father was suffered last year and high-blood pressure which is present to my mother (that’s why she’s always worried about me most especially when I come home so late even though I’m already in near 30s). Because of their old ages, they are no longer to have their stable jobs. But since I’m talking about being the “eldest” of the siblings, possibly, my parents would become younger.

Yeah, at my current age (almost in 30s), my parents would be younger at age of 50 (born as Generation X). If my mother, in real life, was only 20 when her first children (my eldest twin sisters) were born, she would be only 50 if I was the first to be born (literally). And since they are in 50s, they might still be healthy enough. Within their ages, their minds would be more optimistic and informative compared to my real-life parents whose their minds are closed-minded, choleric, and somewhat “crab mentality” (due of their old ages).

Sadly, my real-life parents finished their own studies until high school (probably because of poverty, I think), but it was 1960s where they met while studying, and most people at time were still living in the provinces where there were only few urban areas. But if I was born to be eldest (in my “alternate” life), they might finish their studies until college (or even undergrad) around 1980s, and they might still have their own respective jobs! This would be wonderful if… I was born to be eldest.

That’s why I have a little bit “jealousy” to my friends’ parents, around in their 40s or 50s, who have their optimistic lives (even most of them are sometimes attending The Feast where I regularly attend every Sunday morning). If I only have my parents like them, I could invite them there to receive blessings from the Lord. But in reality, I can’t… because they’re already old and too “busy” in their house activities (my father is always on sofa, watching TV and commanding something that he can’t do due of his illness while my mother is always doing her housekeeping jobs). Having young and optimistic parents is just only my imagination that really never happens.

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  1. My younger siblings

In the sad reality, I’m sometimes minimized (or somewhat minamaliit) by my elder siblings in terms of decision-making in our family. Of course, my eldest (twin) sisters are considered as the “main” role in our family where they provide us our food, electricity, our house, materials that we use at home, and our everyday expenses. When I was still studying at school, they provided my education while my aged parents couldn’t afford it because they’re too old and haven’t stable jobs. My elder brother had his overseas job in Saudi Arabia where he provided us in our everyday needs. But that was before. Now, he’s jobless, and he’s depending from daily expenses from my eldest sister and me who have our stable jobs (save for my other elder brother who has a stable job to provide his own family). But, it’s weird that I’m the youngest who have a stable job to provide the needs of my aged parents (and, sometimes, of my jobless elder brother who always annoys and sometimes bullies me every day calling me “Meeerrr!”, damn).

If, in my imagination (or in my “alternate” life), I was born to be eldest, of course, I would have younger siblings (born to be Millennials) who might still study college or high school. Oh well, I might provide the education of my younger siblings from my hard work since I’m the “eldest”. And not only that, I might play with them like a child (in my reality, I was playing with my niece and my nephew instead of my elder brother while we’re still young). See the chart below the difference:

reality vs alternate family

Chart 59-1: This chart shows the age gap of my family members in my reality (left) and in my “alternate” life (right). On the left chart, the age gap between me and my elder brother (in blue), as well as my elder siblings and my parents, is so distant. The ages of my elder siblings are in between 44 to 50 while my age is the lowest among them. In my “alternate” life (right chart), the age gap would be slightly closer.

Just imagine I could be the “leader” (aside of parents) of the family because of being the eldest. I would be respected by my younger siblings, calling me “kuya” and never teased or bullied by them (unlike in my sad reality where my elder brother almost “disrespects” me because I’m the youngest). Although I could have an “authority” to handle them, I would like to have my younger siblings some freedom with some conditions (especially the younger two who are female). And I could be able to invite them at The Feast to have a lot of blessings while they’re young (unlike in my “sad” reality where I can’t invite my elder siblings because of their “crab mentality”).

However, there are some disadvantages to be the eldest of the family such as higher expectations from the parents (carrying the surname of the family), having support to younger siblings (like educational expenses) and to the parents (being a breadwinner, I mean), and being heir (beneficiary) of the family in time when the parents are gone (my other siblings would fight for the share of the inheritance).

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Well, it’s so sad for me that I’m facing the reality that I have with my family right now. But thank God and I was born to be the last not the eldest or even second or third child. However, sadly like other bunsos out there, I have too many struggles to be the youngest in the family.

And how about my family… oh well, they’re still the same since I’m with them almost all of my entire life. Instead of a happy and optimistic family, the environment inside the house with my family is just full of “toxicity” and “negativity” where closed-minded thinking, crab mentalities, watching non-sense shows and bad news on TV, noisiness when they talk, lack of “freedom”, and lack of private life are always present at home. If I wish I will find the “One True Love” and set my own family, I will NOT copy all of these negative things from my old family at home, and I will change into happy and optimistic atmosphere with my NEW family. I’m hoping that my imagination can be become reality for my future eldest child to build for the next generations.

12om82

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