Episode 51 – Friday, March 18th, 2016 (7017)
It has been almost 9 months, but I’m still single! Ahhhh!!!
As the holy week enters within a week from now, it will be my first time since 2012 to be single or loveless in holy week. I’m just thinking that I now suffer from having a loveless, boring, and desperate life. In the past years, I was so active to contact with some of my friends especially in The Feast (Santa Rosa) when I had a long distance relationship (LDR). But now, it’s so sad that I’m no longer in a relationship and less contact to my friends (changing my mobile number was the reason because of security and unwanted solicits).
Well, I miss the life having a love relationship (or LDR) because this was the life where I didn’t get bored because of communicating with my girlfriend thru text messages despite of long distance. In the past 9 months after the break-up, my life became bored, a sort of… being isolation (but not at home). Honestly, I’m thinking I’m probably an “anti-social” person because I’m so quiet (not too much talkative or vocal), and I rarely accompany with a group of friends (more than five friends or literally, barkada or tropa) when travelling, gathering together inside a mall or even holding our group meetings (that’s why I rarely join Connect/Care Group (CG) of The Feast). I prefer only to accompany one (just like what I did to my former love in Nueva Ecija before) or two friends together to talk or to confess about our private lives.
Anyway, I just share this episode about my life comparing from having a love relationship (LDR) to a simple but loveless and boring life of the present time.
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(Note: “Then” is referred my life during long distance relationship (LDR) days from June 2012 to June 2015, and “Now” is referred my life right now or after June 25, 2015 (Post-LDR era).)
Then: Having a beautiful, young girlfriend who lives in a long distance.
Now: Nothing (nganga) but still looking (it’s a sort of difficulty to find the “Right One”).
Then: Going to Nueva Ecija occasionally to visit my long distance girlfriend to have our romantic date (occurred only 15 times in the past three years).
Now: Never go there anymore =(.
Then: When I went there to meet her, we started our holding hands together (almost every moment).
Now: No longer to do it again =(.
Then: Walking around inside the mall with her while holding hands, eating together and watching a movie in a theater together.
Now: Walking around inside the mall… ALONE and lonely (I just spend my time to enjoy playing some games at the arcade without any companion).
Then: Travelling with her together in a public transportation.
Now: Travelling alone and lonely (mostly going to my work or attending at The Feast).
Then: I could stay at Nueva Ecija overnight to keep away from the distractions of my family and my enemies in the community (considered the province as my “exile country”). My “freedom” was temporarily achieved.
Now: This will be never happened again =(. And I need to wait my “freedom” to be achieved in the right time.
Then: The inbox of my cellphone had a full of text messages that I received mostly from my long distance girlfriend.
Now: Not any single text message is ever received on my cellphone right now even from my friends (because I changed my mobile number).
Then: As a part of communication, I had always stayed connected with her thru text messages.
Now: No longer to have connection (she’s already excommunicated from my life).
Then: From February 2011 (the time when my long distance textmate accidentally contacted me for the first time) to June 2015, the average received SMS (text messages) on my phone was 23.54 (when she became my girlfriend in June 2012, the average was 27.45). Thanks to her who had always communicated with me so much (the average of received SMS only from her was 8.79 per day and 10.40 while we’re in LDR).
Now: After the break-up, the average received SMS was sharply declined by only 1.71 per day (from July to December 2015 data). I have no longer contacted my former love, and I changed my mobile number into new. (Note: the average received SMS per day from my friends starting this year might be lower than those last year.)
Then: I had almost always used my cellphone to wait any contacts or incoming text messages from her (or one of my friends).
Now: I barely use my cellphone because none of my friends send any text messages to me. It’s so sad that I feel I’m no longer to stay connect with them.
Then: I stayed “in-love” with my long distance girlfriend and thinking of her in all times despite of long distance. That’s why my love life was so cherished because of her.
Now: I have been loveless for so long. My love life, right now, might be rusted.
Then: When I was alone or no one who wanted to talk with me, only she had stayed connected with me even thru text messages.
Now: Except for my family and co-workers, I have been alone and nothing to talk with almost every day!
Then: My happiness was existed because of her even thru text messages in long distance despite of having some problems at home.
Now: It has been no longer to be existed because of many problems at home and even in my searching for the “Right One” because of frustrations. I’m barely happy right now.
Then: Making most kilig moments with her even before the arrival of AlDub.
Now: It’s kind of annoying when AlDub came into airwaves within few weeks after our break-up. While most of the people have so much kilig factor on AlDub fever, I (even until now) have been still heartbroken, so that I don’t really like them to be watched on TV (that pabebe wave is so annoying). This “phenomenon” was considered for me as wrong timing and an “insult” to my heartbroken love life. I’m not bitter with this, but that’s kind of “insulting” loveless people like me.
Then: I liked to hear love songs while I was in-love with her.
Now: I don’t like to hear some popular love (and kilig) songs like Thinking Out Loud (by Ed Sheeran) and God Gave Me You (by Bryan White) due of AlDub phenomenon (because of being heartbroken, so that they seemed not perfect for me to hear these).
Then: My dream to have “freedom” had been almost there when I was in a LDR.
Now: It (hopefully temporary) has been ruined after the break-up.
Then: My mother had sometimes worried about my travel going to Nueva Ecija and going back home midnight from there.
Now: She’s no longer to worry about. (And please she must stop worrying about me because I’m already old enough!)
Then: I spent my own money for my travel going to Nueva Ecija and for my date with my long distance girlfriend.
Now: I can save my own money even though I’m still stuck to support my family’s needs (given only to my mother every month) and down payment for my health insurance every month. I only spend it for my own only (because I’m single).
Then: Getting tired from long travel to and from Nueva Ecija (or in further places).
Now: Never getting tired because I’m no longer to travel there.
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It’s so sad that I’m no longer to socialize with other friends because of having no love life. I have no longer to have any contacts with them because I’m an “anti-social” person. Being alone is one of the saddest things happened in my life, and it has been existed almost every day and every time. I’m afraid that someday if I’ll remain single in my entire life, I’ll be stuck with my old family (aging parents, elder brothers and sisters with some crab-mentalities, negativity at home, and distractions from the community, as well as my enemies living in that area) forever, and my freedom will be never achieved. But I need to find a one true love (the “Right One”, of course) as soon as possible to stay away from these bad vibes and to set myself into independence as I’ll achieved my freedom and set my own family who will cherish into a positive and optimistic way of life (as inviting them at The Feast and keeping them from distractions).
I’m still hoping and still praying that these dreams will be granted.
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New Friends on Facebook, But…
Within almost 9 months in Post-LDR era, I have received some new friend requests on Facebook. But I seem that these new friends (mostly beautiful ladies, I think they’re still in college) that I accepted on Facebook are not familiar. Although they have common friends (mostly from The Feast), I don’t even know them in person either. I supposed to be glad to have new friends when I found out that they have already in relationships (even they’re still studying in college just like my former love).
I don’t understand why they added me on Facebook (even though they don’t know me so much), and still I just accepted them as my new friends despite of having their boyfriends while I’m still looking for the “Right One” (or true love rather) after my failed long distance relationship. Is this unreal that I supposed to find some single ladies out there when I only found out that they’re already taken?
I’m wishing that someday a new friend will unexpectedly add me on the said social media site, and I’m hoping that she’s still single (without any commitment) and probably becoming the one of my long-time searching for the “Right One” for my healing heart.