Episode 47 – Tuesday, February 23rd, 2016 (6993)
February is about to end by next week (oh well, thanks that we’ll have 29th due of leap year). And there are still heart-shaped decorations in some establishments around even though the V-day is already over last week, and the Lenten season is now just around the corner. However, oh well, in the past 8 months of being single, alone and loveless, I’ve still tried to search for the “Right One” due of my urgency in my life (I’m already in near 30s though!) Anyway, despite of being single for a while, I just want to share this episode to everybody about my love life in the past (but only after July 2005 or Post-Deaf School Era).
I got this story that I first wrote about four years ago while I was so single then (although I revised this story in 2013, the time when I had a long distance girlfriend), but I had never published this to everyone (especially to my close friends) until this episode. The title of the story was about the curse of deaf sweethearts.
(Note: some details from the part of the story have been deleted or modified for the present time, and I made this “long” story short.)
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The curse of deaf sweethearts was a superstition (or jinx) where it desolated me to not have any non-deaf girlfriend in so-called “Non-Deaf World” after I was dating with those deaf girls when I was in deaf school, particularly Philippine School for the Deaf (PSD) and Alabama School for the Deaf (ASD) in United States, or also so-called “Deaf World”. From 1997 to 2005, when I was in “Deaf World”, I had crushes and lovers (they were already nullified and void in my Tent history) who, all of them, are totally deaf during my school years in two different deaf schools – PSD and ASD, my host deaf school, where I had one to fall-in love in a short time during my stay in the United States for one year as foreign exchange student. After studying in the deaf institutions (or belonging to so-called “Deaf World”) for 11 long years (1994-2005), I was unexpectedly transferred to non-deaf school in Santa Rosa, Laguna from PSD when I came back from the U.S., so it meant I’ve been no longer as a “deaf” student because all of my new classmates in my new school are not totally deaf unlike what I had been with my old deaf classmates. However, since transferring from so-called “Deaf World” (and during my college years also in another non-deaf school), I didn’t have any girlfriends at all that all of them are non-deaf unlike my former sweethearts who are totally deaf. And I tried to court my crushes, mostly when I was in college and in my working career (particularly when I was in ASECAsia), but I had failed to grab them to be my very first non-deaf girlfriend probably because of different environment from my past world and competition with other suitors or they were already having their boyfriends.
These events about my love life prior June 2005 (within “Deaf World” era) were declared nullified and void, and they are already erased in my memory and in my history records. The happenings about my love life were occurred where all of my crushes and lovers were totally deaf. Most of them were too old than me (the oldest girl that I had dated was about four years older, I think). However, because of their “innocence” (being young, of course), our “dating” had too many struggles which made our “companionship” didn’t last (the longest was lasted about only four months). The most infamous “dating” that I had was a lady, one year lower than my school year level, who was the smartest among her class (with honors). We made our “date” four separate times between 2001 and 2004 until she became my enemy because of her allegations in school (favoritism from teachers, pirating most of my members in TENT, etc. that’s why I left the deaf school where she studied in 2005). The last time when I had a deaf sweetheart was in the United States where I was an exchange student. In April 2005, I had a “date” with an American deaf sweetheart from freshmen high school; however, we only lasted for a short time before my graduation and also my preparation to go back home in July 2005. Although we had no official break-up for our short-lived dating (as we had our last conversation, May 31, 2005), I had seemed the end of the color of my love life in which most of my girls that I had loved before were totally deaf.
The Start of the Curse
After my long-year experiences in the U.S., I was so shocked when I was told to be transferred to other school after 11 years of my study in a deaf institution (10 years in PSD). When I entered a new, non-deaf school, I had no idea with those new classmates especially to my female classmates who are now non-deaf unlike to my former girls who are totally deaf and studied in deaf institution and would be my next dream girlfriend in my new “world”. During the time when I was now in “Non-Deaf World”, I tried to court some girls around the school or even outside to be my very first ever non-deaf girlfriend. However, I didn’t have any girlfriend again for 7 long years. It was because of different environment that I had been since I moved from deaf institution where I studied for 11 years (including in the U.S.). This led my failures to court non-deaf girls, mostly my classmates, and to fail their answers to become my girlfriend. Because of these, it was the beginning of my curse where I failed to grab a non-deaf girl to become my girlfriend in the reflection of having my past love life where I had deaf lovers.
Within the time, I was thinking to myself, “kaya ko ba? Kaya ko ba magkaroon ng girlfriend na hindi deaf sa bagong mundo ko na hindi na sa “deaf society”?” (“Can I? Can I handle to have a girlfriend who is not deaf in my new life where I’m no longer in “deaf society”?”) Because of my failures in courtship (which occurred twice to my two college classmates) I was afraid to be “busted” or being friendzoned if I would do so. There were some rules (and some revisions) that I needed to take my action to search for my next dream girlfriend but still no effect to grab it. I became loveless which made my love life absent. And because of the failures, these led a sign of the collapse of my love life which existed in the last 8 years (1997-2005) because of the “curse” that I seemed it reflected me from my former deaf lovers in my past life. Also, I was thinking to give up my love life because of tiredness such as having a “deadline” before reaching 25 (although I decided to extend it) and the promise that I could find a girl to become my first (and last) girlfriend for the very last time (but the last one failed to last our love relationship forever).
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Timeline of my attempt to break the “curse”
There are some events that I planned to break the “curse” (or jinx) by courting a non-deaf girl to become my next dream girlfriend who is non-deaf:
- When I entered in a non-deaf school, in July 2005, I met my new classmate who was so smart and so pretty (in fact, she was the class president). During my first days in my new school, she just let me to make her as my crush which was my first time to have a non-deaf crush in Post-Deaf School Era; however, we just played as “lovers” mocked by our classmates. Although our “dating” was not so serious, I had good times with her as my classmate.
- In June 2006, when I started to study college, I met my new classmate who lived in the same subdivision as I am. She’s pretty, kikay, and talented in arts. But in contrast, she’s noisy, playful, flirt, and “exposed” as she wore sexy outfits, so that’s why some of my “guardian angels” didn’t like her in terms of her attitude and being a Chinese descendant. In a long time, I had a crush to her because of her good pleasure that she made her friendship towards to me especially when we accompanied together going to school from our same subdivision and going home. However, our friendship that we had would be gone because of my “controversy” causing her and her family almost in danger. In November 2009, I just decided to “terminate” my friendship to her (and her family) which led into excommunication (as I’ve never communicated with her anymore).
- In Dec. 2006, I met a new friend who studied as an Entrepreneur Management (EM) student and a member of Artist Guild – Crew. However, in later days, I just discovered that her full name has “Maria” which is not allowed to my Tent system because of the same name of my mortal deaf enemy (and former lover). During that time, I tried to court her, but because of my shyness, I failed to become one of her suitors. This was proven that I didn’t want to compete with them to court her. Because of different environment that I’ve now studied in a non-deaf institution, I was afraid to get into defeated from others.
- Another college classmate came in my heart with her closeness to me and also in our friendship. I just called her “Chubby”. She just came up in my feelings when I “accidentally” gave her a surprise Valentine’s present in 2007 in which eventually made me in-love on her. But soon later, some of my classmate had told me that she had a suitor who was too much older than mine. This caused to have “Cold War” (not once, but twice) against her because of her “controversy”. However, after our reconciliation (that she had already a boyfriend during that time), our friendship that we had before has never restored back again because of major “damage” that I had done which made her so hurt.
- I had tried to have a crush to some of my classmates or schoolmates in college; however, none of them became my lover. But one of my classmates was the “closest” to have my love feelings bloomed. Although I had been crushed on her during our freshmen days, I didn’t get any attention to her until third year when she became my most accompanied classmate (going to the campus and vice versa). I supposed to have a plan to court her because of having my love feelings with her, but I decided that we just became good friends instead after abdication due of our busy works in our major subjects in school.
- When I was working in Alabang as a graphic artist in around 2011, I had attracted to some pretty proofreaders in every project (or department) that I had worked for. They became my “secret” crushes in workplace. However, just like what I had been during my college life, none of these pretty proofreaders became my “true” love because of some their characteristics that I had observed to them to be dissatisfied.
From 2005 to 2012 or since transferring to “Non-Deaf World”, none of these crushes became my “true love” where I failed to pursue my courtship to them becoming my first-ever non-deaf girlfriend. These seemed me to have the declination of my love life which still reflecting the “curse” which made my love life almost miserable but not until this.
Breaking the “curse”
One afternoon of Feb. 1, 2011, one unknown person send me a wrong text message in which I couldn’t understand because of different dialect. Suddenly, I received another text message from the same person, and I replied it who was he/she. And I found out that unknown person was a young teen girl from somewhere in the North. In later days, we became text friends (or textmates) even though we hadn’t known each other that we had a little chance to meet ourselves personally due of our long distance. While I was working in Alabang, I seemed my textmate to be my better companion rather than my other crushes in my workplace. However, it seemed a chance if possible I fell-in love with my textmate because she’s too young to be my girlfriend and a little chance to meet her personally because of long distance. However, the road of breaking the curse was begun when I started to have my love feelings to my long distance textmate.
For longest time, because of getting my strong feelings to my textmate every time when we chatted thru text, I had a chance to court her despite of having long distance and never meet personally. But this made me confident because she’s single and young, so I took my risk to reveal my true feelings on her that I had never done this before. At a night of late March 2012, I confessed my true feelings to her thru text messages. At first, she was so surprised for my confession, but unlike those who rejected my courtship in personal matter, she accepted my attempt to court her even thru text messages only. My courtship to her lasted for almost 3 months until the decision that she made which led the “curse” to be the end finally after so many years of being “love absence”.
And one afternoon around June 2012, she answered my courtship after she revealed that she also fell in love with me thru text messages. And this became the “history” that I was waiting for because after 7 long years (or 2,573 days) of my “love absence”, finally I had already my very first girlfriend who is not totally deaf. That day made me so happy when she became my girlfriend even though we hadn’t met personally until 6 days later. And this led the end of the long-time “curse” in my love life where I couldn’t have any non-deaf girlfriend in the past 7 long years because of the reflection to my past love life with deaf girls.
However, our long distance relationship didn’t last forever. After three years with only 15 personal meetings, we decided to break-up because of some complicated reasons.
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How sad that my love relationship to my former textmate who brought my life alive from the boring, lonely and complicated life in 2011 is already gone and going to be wasted after three wonderful and memorable years. Although several months after becoming heartbroken (probably the worst in my love life history), I’m still hoping that another “right” lady, better than the last one, will come to be deserved to be my second (and last) girlfriend (and future wife, too) in my future life.