Episode 45 – Sunday, February 14th, 2016 (6984)
What…? Today is Valentine’s Day, but I don’t want to celebrate this “non-sense” occasion (this year) because I’m still… single, zero, loveless, nganga, or whatsoever. Just imagine, last year, I was able to celebrate Valentine’s with a lot of happiness because of having a healthy love life, but this year… I’m now alone! Ahhhh…! I still don’t know what I can do despite of being in a state of urgency and wanting to set me free from the distractions of my family (declaring for independence). But how can I look for someone if there’s no one single ladies around there (I’m too old enough to look for the “true love”)? It’s not too easy, and it takes a lot of time to work (in a simple chemistry). I guess I’m little bit tired of searching the perfect one because of frustrations that I take (as I have nothing to talk with someone even my friends).
In this episode, I want to analyze searching for the perfect one around for my future love (more deserving than my former textmate who “left” me so painfully almost 8 months ago). I’m thinking who will be the “Right One” inside my (healing) heart.
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- My friends from The Feast
I have a lot (or something “a lot”) of friends from The Feast mostly in Santa Rosa where they’re attending and serving every Sunday morning. But I know most of them already about their personalities as they also know what I am. It’s a kind of complicated things if I can fall in love with one of my Feast friends. As of now, I have no intention to start my love feelings to most of my Feast friends who are single ladies (although I have liked a pretty and simple lady from somewhere in Feast Santa Rosa, but I’m really doubt for it due of my “rare” personal appearance).
One more reason why I can’t fall in love with some single ladies at the Feast is that they’re “too” religious and something “traditional”. Take note: I’m not thinking I don’t like religious ladies out there, but I’m thinking that they always remind about the word of God. I’m even religious though (in fact, I was serving at the Feast before) but not too much as what some people do traditionally. Again, I just clarify that I like a single lady who is religious but not too much conservative (I’m not thinking that she’s a liberated person). I will like her if she has a balance of being religious and something not too conservative.
Chance of falling in-love from one of them: 5%
- Common friends
Having a friend from one of my friends is the simplest way to know each other. They might be my friends’ officemate or former classmate or neighbor. Let me share an example. My friend from the Feast, who is serving at the Media Ministry, reminded me that she has her neighbor who wanted to search for the right guy. I was willing to know about that girl, and I supposed to meet her one of the Feast sessions. But unfortunately, I didn’t. I never know about her who is she. Until then, my friend from Media Ministry told me that the lady had already a suitor in her workplace. Oh well. Although I didn’t see her face or personal (my Media Ministry friend supposed to show that lady’s picture on her cellphone when I told her to do not), I had nothing regrets on the lady that I supposed to know her (either she’s pretty or whatever).
But on the other side, this might be hard for me because if ever I fall in love with one of my friend’s common friend, it might be some complicated between my friend and his/her friend. And that’s the reason why I never have a “best friend” (as you know in every friendship that involves with love life of one’s friend). Luckily for me, I have currently no “best friend” or a younger brother (because I’m the youngest and my second youngest brother is already near 45). So, I don’t want to have a conflict involving between love life and friendship.
Chance of falling in-love from one of them: 15%
- My (old) past friends
These are my friends (other than from The Feast but not my “enemies”) who are no longer to have any contacts with me (even though some of them are my friends in Facebook). They are my former high school/college classmates and former workmates that I had been with them for few years (in Post-Deaf School Era). However, I have a little bit chance to take my love feelings with them (single ladies, of course). Some of them have already in their love relationships and eventually having their own families as well. I have some contacts with them thru Facebook, but I barely communicate with them because they’re busy so much in their work or families.
Chance of falling in-love from one of them: 15%
- Strangers – another textmate (again?)
At one time, I have tried to search some ladies out there who want to have a textmate. Before, I had never posted my cellphone number to the public thru social media (e.g. Facebook). It was because of my strict personal security that I didn’t want to have any contacts from my old friends and enemies (especially my old deaf friends). But last month, I decided to take my own risk when I broke my personal security. Beginning last January 12 (my 201st day of being single), I entered a group of people wanting to have textmate thru social media. I tried and posted my personal cellphone number in Facebook where they could see trying to contact me. I had never tried this before because of the security. I also tried to contact some single ladies who had posted their cellphone number on Facebook. Only few of them had contacted and replied me, but later they never replied me back. One of supposed-to-be my potential textmate was from Mindanao and slightly older than me. We talked each other thru text messages, but shortly after I decided to stop contacting her because I didn’t want to have a long distance friendship (and having wasting my money thru cellphone loads). I probably felt the absence of the “true” textmate who had contacted me for the very last time (after the unexpected break-up almost 8 months ago).
Another, my friend (who sometimes accompanied with my boss at the office) suggested me to have a textmate when he gave me his friend’s cellphone number. I tried to contact her, but she was doubt on me. Later, my friend told her that someone wanted to have a textmate with her, and she accepted me to be her textmate. However, I felt she’s not the “real one” because every time when I contacted her, she didn’t reply. This was a kind of wasting my time for not replying my text messages, so I just decided to stop contacting her even though I have never seen her personally.
I know I easily gave up for having a textmate that supposed to ease my loneliness (some of them want to have textmates because of money or asking a cellphone load) but still nothing. I tried to have another textmate in my life, but they can’t surpass the “legacy” of my first and “true” textmate who accidentally contacted me 5 years ago and eventually became my girlfriend. But I’m still hoping that someone who will be better than the last one.
Chance of falling in-love from one of them: 25% (if a “true” textmate will come in my life)
- Stranger – around the corner
It’s a kind of strange though. Most of the ladies out there that I have passed by almost every day (either passengers or walking by around) are still single, I think. But I don’t know if they are. I was just inspired from one of the speakers that I attended last year (I think it was Jesus Encounter of the Feast) where he told a story about a man riding in a passenger bus and was stuck a heavy traffic. There was a lady sitting beside him who felt bored as the traffic was not moving. So, the man decided to approach her in a simple conversation while traffic. They started to exchange their personal pictures with contact numbers. And that was how their love story started.
But for me, it seems impossible to have a crush (or falling in-love) with an unknown stranger in one side (in a public transportation, for example). I’m just thinking that she might be a common friend of my other friends (or even enemies) coincidentally. So, there’s a little chance to meet the “Right One” from the strangers that I’ve seen her around in the public.
Chance of falling in-love from one of them: 20%
- From other country (or in other word: a foreigner)
There’s no stranger for me to have falling in-love with a foreigner. In fact, I had fell in-love to some American ladies when I was an exchange student (studying in the United States) back in 2004. One beautiful American lady was my teammate in an academic team contest, but I failed to court her after I found out that she had already a boyfriend. The other one was my batch mate (batch of 2005) although she was too chubby and a little bit older than me. But like the previous one, I didn’t have a plan to court her instead (ending with a nice friendship). And the last one was my schoolmate who eventually became my “sweetheart” for only few weeks (that was because there was only few months before I would send back home). However, these ladies (as my schoolmates) are deaf (and yeah, I was a “deaf” student during that time).
Well, that was a long, long time ago (coincidentally it was my final year in so-called “Deaf World”). But in the present situation, is it possible to look for the “Right One” from other country (rather than a Filipina)? It may sound weird, but it may be possible… barely. In my observation, only few Filipino males are getting in-love with ladies from other countries (as I know some Filipinas look for male foreigners and getting married to stay away from their poverty). Oh well, it might be probably hard for me to find a true lover who is not a Filipina! Where can I look for? An online dating site internationally? Honestly, I have never tried to have a date with a foreigner on an online dating site (or even in Facebook) because I prefer to court a pretty Filipina to be my future girlfriend (or wife, if ever). And I’m not too much fluent in speaking English (even I had studied in a deaf school in the U.S. as an exchange student 12 years ago).
Chance of falling in-love from one of them: barely 5%
Or else I don’t want to end searching my “true love” like this:
- Retiring from Love Life
This is what I don’t really like to be happened. If I decided to “retire” from love life, I will become a forever single and old bachelor. I will never look for beautiful ladies around to fall in-love forever! If I’ll grow older, no one will take care for me with love. I’ll take care to my elderly parents at the house. It sounds good, but how about my life? My future life will be depended on my elderly parents who have some negative thoughts. It will be boring for me if I will stay single, unmarried, taking care with my elderly parents (and even my elder siblings if they’ll retire from their respective jobs). Do you like me to stay unmarried with an unhappy life? Of course, NOT!
I’m in near 30s, but I’m looked younger like within 20s or something. However, I’m getting old nowadays, and if I start my “retirement” from my love life “career”, I will stop looking and courting some pretty girls around there, and I will remain to live in a single life (I’m jokingly hoping that there will be some benefits if I “retire” from love life, hehehe).
In the history of my love life, I had “almost” given up searching the “true love” and set my “retirement”. In 2004, while I was in U.S., after so many failures, I just decided to stop my courtship to most American deaf girls. But just one more chance, I had courted an American deaf girl from freshmen to be my “girlfriend” in a very short time (because it was just only few months before I needed to go back home right after the exchange program). Five years later, because of my past frustrations about courting a non-deaf lady, I decided that if I courted someone to become my girlfriend, she would be my last girl to be loved from my heart. I waited for three more years until my long-time, long distance textmate became my girlfriend in 2012 (luckily I was almost 26 then because I had promised myself that I would have a girlfriend before reaching my age more than 25). Unfortunately, our long distance relationship didn’t last long which made me so depressed and numb.
So… shall I decide to “retire” from love life as I give up my possibility to have a new girlfriend?
Chance to be single/unmarried/old bachelor forever: 40%
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Well, I will take a risk to search for the “Right One” for my future life even I will get “friendzoned” or something fails. That is God’s sake for me to look much better than the old one, and He will guide me with blessings to find the “Right One” in the right place and in the right time. I’m still praying and hoping that someday, someone will come into my life that she will be my true love from my heart.