Episode 43 – Monday, January 25th, 2016 (6964)
It has been a long, long time that I didn’t write a new episode in the past three weeks. In the beginning of the New Year, I had published only two episodes mostly were about last year’s happenings. But in this new episode, it’s a kind of urgency that I need to encounter my future life.
Unfortunately, in the past 7 months, I have been still single and feeling alone in my life (thanks to my former textmate from the north who “left” me after three years of having our long distance relationship). And in the past 7 months…, there’s nothing. Zero, nganga! I’ve nothing to do searching for the next girl (better than the last one) that she will love me forever. But I have nobody to interact. I have only few friends around, but still I’m not too much talkative with them (even I’m keeping silent while they’re talking about things that I’m not too much related). I rarely join Light Group or Connect/Care Group or even Singles of The Feast. I’m not too shy though, but I’m not too much socialized with others (especially meeting new friends) because I’m not too much talkative and also due of my speech deficiency (bulol, I mean). I have my officemates at work, and there are a lot of them. Yeah, there are only three (all male) working at the office every weekdays, and that’s all. And I’m not so closed with them together in one workplace.
Anyway, I just expressed my displeasure (sama ng loob) because of my loneliness and feeling alone that I have almost every day. That’s why I’m always numb and silent all day around. I feel so crazy to be alone at one quiet room, talking with myself so whatever. And there’s one thing that I really miss: having a textmate.
Yeah, you know, during most of the times when I felt alone, I chatted with my textmate (yes, she was, eventually became my girlfriend) thru SMS. My life was changed because of interaction between us. Imagine, if she didn’t come (accidentally), my life would be boring enough (from 2011-2015). But sadly, after ending our long distance relationship 7 months ago, I have no more textmate that connects me with happiness. Talking or interacting with someone, even thru text messaging, made me happy from loneliness and feeling alone. But since my first (and only) textmate was gone, loneliness killed my happiness.
In the remaining months of 2015, I remained silent, nganga, not too much talkative with somebody because of the “lost” of having a textmate. I tried to chat with my friends on Facebook, but some of them rarely responded me because they’re so “busy” at work. I have only few contacts with them on my cellphone, but even in text messaging, most of them rarely reply me to chat (that’s why I’m stopping contacting them to avoid causing my money, consuming cellphone loads, wasted). This caused my interaction with my friends declined in the worst point.
And because of my urgency (and to eliminate my loneliness), recently last January 12th, I took my risk when I decided to post my cellphone number on a group of searching textmates on Facebook. I have never done this like before (I didn’t post my cellphone number thru public, like social media, due of “strict” personal security). Unfortunately, no one wanted to pick up my number to call or to text, but I will try to do my best (for the sake of my urgency and being desperate for so long). And now, I’m trying to search for the “Right One” (or even just a textmate) thru online dating. I also have never done this before, but I take my risk even though my personal security remains high.
In recent days, I had somebody (or prospects) who wanted to be my textmate, but they didn’t last so long. In online searching for a love, I had contacted a beautiful lady who eventually replied me thru chat wanting to be friends, but until I discovered that she’s already a single mom (so it’s a big NOPE for me even though I will like her to be friends instead). I don’t really like somebody who have complicated situations (especially who has already a child/children from unknown guy), as per Tent Love Constitution of 2007.
So, right now, I’m still searching for the one true textmate who will make me back to happiness from my current loneliness and feeling alone and probably become the “Right One”. I’m hoping that someday I will meet a new friend, either personal or being a textmate, who will be the right key to open my wounded heart. I’m always praying and waiting for it.