Episode 40 – Tuesday, December 29th, 2015 (6937)
As the year 2015 nearly ends, I just want to review the happenings that I had experienced in the past 12 months. I’ll discuss and summarize my experiences about my love life this year.
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My love life this year was divided, almost perfectly, into two – happiness and heartbroken. On the first 6 months of 2015, I was so happy to have a nice, beautiful girlfriend (she’s from somewhere in Northern Luzon) despite of being long distance. We met three times this year to have our romantic dates and travel to enjoy our strong love relationship. However, on June 25th, our long distance relationship was ended after three long years. And on the remaining months (second half) of 2015, I became heartbroken, alone, and loveless that I really regretted on what we had before.
First Half of 2015: Getting Stronger to Have Love in a Distance
Entering 2015, our long distance relationship (LDR) with my girlfriend (formerly my textmate) remained strong despite of being distant between us for many miles. We’re getting stronger as we’re entering our fourth year in a relationship as lovers. We had met personally only 12 times since we’re in love relationship in June 2012. And on Valentine’s Day, we’re so excited to meet each other again.
On February 15th, although it was already a day after Valentine’s, I went to Nueva Ecija, where she studied college, to meet her for our Valentine’s date for the third year. Although I didn’t have expensive flowers for her, and I just made our Valentine’s date simple, this one was the sweetest to have so romantic. But just less than three weeks later, I went there again to meet her for our simple date. This time, we’re in Sky Ranch Pampanga where we rode a giant Ferris wheel. Although I didn’t feel well on that time (because I went there straight from my work on the previous day with terrible traffic at the Metro and inconvenience), I was still able to bring her there for one of our romantic dates happened in our love relationship.
During the time when we’re far away each other, we still continued to communicate thru text messaging, and sometimes I talked her thru long distance call with a lot of minutes of our conversation. I really missed her voice that’s why I directly called her on my cellphone to talk as we really missed each other. As our anniversary came near, I planned to bring her in Bataan to visit Mount Samat National Shrine (Shrine of Valor).
My plan to visit Bataan was supposed to be happened for our Valentine’s date (exactly on February 14), but I postponed it because I had reported to come my work on that February 14th. Instead, I had a simple Valentine’s date with my girlfriend in Cabanatuan on the 15th. And secondly, I again postponed our trip to Bataan on March when I became ill because of fatigue from work. But I was able to meet her at Nueva Ecija, and we went to Sky Ranch Pampanga instead.
But on our third anniversary of our love relationship, we finally went to Bataan for our anniversary date. This was memorable for us to visit the biggest cross structure in the country. We had our sweetest times to bond and to have loved each other, but we didn’t expect that this would be the last that we had been together. Meaning to say… walang forever.
At the night of June 25th, my girlfriend contacted me thru text messages to tell something that was so complicated and something having trouble on her side, so that we decided to end our long distance relationship after three long years and meeting personally only 15 times. (Note: as what I have said in some episodes of My Tent Journal, I can’t tell the true reason why we broke up because of complicated reasons. But I’m going to blame the moving of school opening (of most state universities) to August from the usual month of June.) I was so numb after the unexpected incident, and my heart (for her) went down enough to become broken. For the next several months of 2015, I felt so alone and became heartbroken.
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Second Half of 2015: The Heartbroken, Distraction and the Decline
A day after the unexpected break-up, I was pretending that I was okay, acting just a normal person. But deep inside, it was so painful to me. I felt it was so wasted because, in the past three years having a long distance relationship, I had my patience and sacrifice to go further for having a date with my girlfriend and helping her in most of the times when she had some problems especially in school where she attended for her college education. Besides, most of the things that I had given to her were still in her possession such as a book from Bro. Bo Sanchez, my black USB (for her school works), and many others. I had worried for these things that supposed to be returned, but it’s already too late since we have never communicated after our break-up. She had such gratitude (malaking utang ng loob niya sa’kin) to me even since we’re textmates. But these will be forever regretted.
During the few months of being loveless, I was often depressed and lonely. This was the reason why I had not been attending (or serving) The Feast for two months.
Having a textmate (like her) has been disappeared after four years where I used to be a textmate (to ease my loneliness). After the break-up, I have no longer to communicate as a textmate like her where we had always chatted thru short text messaging or SMS since we accidentally interacted in February 2011. In the first half of 2015, she had the most text messages that I received, but after June 25th – the day when we broke-up, our SMS communication has been dead. Because of this, my cellphone is now somewhat useless because I’ve no longer had a textmate anymore! Look at these figures:
|Month||Total of text messages||Received text messages from her|
Another distraction that came, not only to me, but to those who are still single and heartbroken was the unexpected trend of AlDub (a loveteam led by actor Alden Richards and Maine Mendoza better known as “Yaya Dub”) into TV airwaves. I know this phenomenon was so wrong timing for me because I was already loveless when they came up into popularity just a month after the break-up. Those kilig moments, Pabebe Wave, and their overexposures, not only on TV, but on the advertisements as well were so distracted me so much. That’s why I have never watched this kind of “distraction” came in a wrong time (although I had watched this in few weeks before I realized it was not worthy for me to make kilig). I don’t hate or against AlDub, and I’m not bitter to them (I just clarify for those “stupid” fantards out there), but I really don’t like what they’re doing (their kilig moments using Dubsmash on their separated TV screens, their theme songs like “God Gave Me You” by Bryan White and “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran, overexposing TV ads, and the Pabebe Wave over and over and over again). These had no “respect” to me while my heart was hurting so much fresh from the break-up. But if the break-up didn’t happen, and the LDR was still existed right now, I might appreciate them.
Because of this, within September, I just went out from home (where my family especially my mother is so addicted to watch) to go somewhere spending my money to play in arcade area at mall (as my pastime while being single and to ease from my stressful life at home) and staying at the office in San Pedro alone (thankfully I have keys to open it). While most Filipino are so addicted to watch AlDub every noontime (or even almost whole day), I decided to watch American football (NFL), basketball (NBA), and some U.S. primetime shows as my hobby. And lastly, I decided to come back attending and serving at The Feast.
The Reconstruction (of Love)
But breaking up from long distance relationship was just somewhat a blessing one for me. First, I shall not need to go further from home for several miles (I will miss going to Nueva Ecija and the nice places nearby), so that I’ll never be tired have a sacrifice to go there. Second, I also shall not need to spend my money and my time for dates, gifts, travel (commuting provincial bus going to Nueva Ecija and so forth), and cellphone load for communication. And lastly, my mother will not be worried about my long travels going there and so forth (because I had arrived home past midnight from Nueva Ecija before) as I had always been reminded even though I’m already an adult.
However, one of the biggest challenges in my life right now is to look and to find for the right girl to be my next girlfriend (and might be becoming my future wife). This made me so panic after many distractions occurred at home most especially to my elder brother who bullies me so much calling me my household name like a goat. That’s why I needed to rush to set up for “independence”. But how can I do this ultimate plan if I have NO current girlfriend? Finding a new girlfriend, set up for marriage, and living with her for one simple family are the only solutions to get rid the distractions in my life from home right now. But these aren’t too easy for me enough. I’m no longer like a teenager courting to a young girl. I’m now getting old, and I don’t want to remember my past failures in courtship (like what happened while I was in college). I know truly that I’m too shy to encounter such things like wooing to a nice and pretty lady, but it might cause me to be wasted because I’m afraid to be happened on what I had in the past (rejection, being “friendzoned”, and discovering having already a boyfriend). My ability to court might be declined because of my age. Or maybe, I just want to be in “safe zone” and to make sure perfectly, but I’m already matured enough to have acceptance on what they’ll do for me.
Within 6 months after the disbandment of long distance relationship, I’ve felt that I’m not still 100% to move on from the past (maybe about 75% or less something). But I’ve tried to forget many things that happened with my former love from the first half of 2015, and I want to move on forward (or the reconstruction of my love life) to my future in 2016. The second half of 2015 was indicated for me as the “transition period” from being heartbroken into moving on like a wound would disappear after a long time.
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Looking Forward in 2016
My prayer request for this 2016 is to find the “Right One” to be my next love in the right place and in the right time. I know it isn’t too easy and don’t need to panic enough, but I’m always praying for it for my better future. I might not need some qualifications to search for the right lady perfectly (although I have options to analyze someone’s attitude, personality, and the most important – her religious affiliation where she must be Catholic), but the very important is what’s her inside (character and attitude rather than her outside look).