My First 100 Days (of My Tent Journal and Being Loveless)

Episode 24 – Saturday, October 3rd, 2015 (6850)

It’s October already and more than 80 days to go before Christmas! But I’m afraid that it will be my first time to celebrate Christmas without love life! OMG! I need to be panic before it’s too late, but I know it will be harder for me to look the “right girl” before Christmas or else I will be still loveless this Christmas for the first time since 2011. Even though less than 100 days before the birthday of Jesus, today is my 100th day of being single, and it is also the 100th day of My Tent Journal (MTJ) since it was published thru blog last June 24th (although it is the actually 102nd day).

Let’s throwback in time the history happened in the first 100 days (of being single).

— 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 — 0 —

A day before the unexpected break-up:

On June 24th, my very first episode of My Tent Journal was published on my personal blog site, and it was about transferring Feast Biñan to Santa Rosa and my trip to Bataan with my girlfriend who would unexpectedly break our long distance relationship (LDR) a day later.

June 25th

On a warm Thursday evening, I had no idea when the one unexpected incident happened in my whole life causing my heart so much broken. My long distant girlfriend told me thru text message that she decided to break our long distance relationship due of her complicated reasons. She was crying during that time because of her tough decision. We had our very last text communication before saying goodbye after three years of loving each other (and four years since she became my textmate). Because of this unexpected circumstance, I immediately wrote it on my next episode that would be published on the next day.

Day 1 (June 26th)

Fresh from last night’s break-up, I just ate my breakfast so numb and nothing to do. At the workplace, I published the latest and very fresh episode of MTJ on my personal blog about the last night’s incident. Some of my friends especially on Facebook were shocked and saddened on my heartbroken situation. Meanwhile, after 15 months of being a “friend”, I decided to unfriend and block my former long distant girlfriend (together with her younger pretty sister) from my Facebook (probably led them into excommunication). After my office work, I just treated myself at McDonald’s as my personal “blowout” for the first day of becoming a single man.

fb status

Day 4 (June 29th)

The third episode of MTJ was published, and it was about the anomalies of my former college classmate and friend.

Day 6 (July 1st)

Episode 4 was published where I discussed about my worship and service at the Feast. Also it was the day where I decided to deactivate my Smart mobile number due of personal reasons (this led my SMS communication declined) after my former college classmate and friend told sorry to me for what he did before which made me so mad at him.

Day 8 (July 3rd)

A week after the break-up, I published my fifth episode about my staying in the Philippines for 10 years since I had my life and experience in the United States and in a deaf world.

Day 10 (July 5th)

It was my worst Sunday ever after I had bad incident at the terrible house. My father who was curing from his mild stroke fell down after I didn’t assist him to walk going inside the house. My eldest sisters (who are twin) scolded me so much causing me so upset. This led me to leave the trouble that I had in the house and to go to SM Sta. Rosa to attend Sunday Feast for my first time since they transferred from Biñan. After Sunday Feast, I didn’t take to stay longer because I rushed to walk away due of personal and security reasons. I supposed to confess my bad feelings to some of my friends at the Feast because my former college classmate (and “mentor”) was present and together with some of them. I immediately left out from the venue and ate my lunch alone and lonely. It was rainy Sunday afternoon, and I was so depressed after I left from a short prayer meeting at the Feast Sta. Rosa in Paseo. Since then, I hadn’t attended Sunday Feast at SM City Sta. Rosa for two months. Because of this happening, I wrote about it on my 7th episode of MTJ.

Day 11 (July 6th)

Episode 6 was published, and I discussed the episode about my post-LDR experiences where I became lonely. I had been depressed, so alone, loveless, and still “state of shock” after the incident. My happiness was about to vanish, and I couldn’t even forget my former love (from my mind and my heart) to move on.

Day 20 (July 15th)

Because of being loneliness in my life after the incident, my socialization and SMS communication with my friends had been declined. I felt I had no more allies (wala nang kakampi sa’kin kahit sino) and close friends whom I needed to confess about my problems in my life. I wrote and published my episode (Episode 9) about it.

Day 36 (July 31st)

My text communication with my friends had been so much declined. The data of my SMS interaction was sharply dropped by 96% from the total of 450 SMS in June to a record-low of only 17 SMS by the end of July. This was because of deactivating my Smart mobile number that I don’t want to receive any “annoying” text messages (mostly from my former “mentor” worked in Makati and “too pride” friend from HOT Team) and right after the break-up of my long distance relationship with my girlfriend causing no longer to communicate between us. This was mentioned on Episode 11. This was my first time to have without any textmate interacting with me in a whole month since January 2011.

Day 40 (August 4th)

Like in other religious traditions, it was the 40th day after the “death” of my long distance love life (although I didn’t take most “rituals” or prayer about it).

Day 42 (August 6th)

I celebrated my birthday and it was my first birthday to be loveless since 2011. I treated my work colleagues a birthday blowout in a restaurant then I bought a cake for my family.

Day 47 (August 11th)

Many distractions came in my life after the heart-broken incident especially when my elder brother annoyed and bullied me so much after calling my name again and again and again which made me so irritating. I posted it on my Facebook (in ALL CAPS) where I expressed my anger and displeasure about him bullying me so much even since I was in childhood. My elder brother, who is 15 years older than me, was an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) in Saudi Arabia, but he became jobless since 2014 and stayed most of the time at home causing my private time at my “own” bedroom to be vanished. This was mentioned on Episode 13.

Day 63 (August 27th)

Because of many problems occurred, not only in my life, but also to our fellow Filipinos in our beloved country, I published Episode 16 about the bad, the dirty, and the poor conditions and situations happened in the Philippines right now.

Day 70 (September 3rd)

I had a text conversation with Sis Tess of Feast Media Ministry confessing about my heart-broken experiences in the past two months. She gave me her thoughtful advice and let me to attend Sunday Feast where I hadn’t attended for two months.

Day 73 (September 6th)

I attended Sunday Feast at SM City Sta. Rosa for the first time after my two-month absence. I got also to serve at the Media Ministry as a cameraman where I missed it for three long months. After the Feast, I talked Sis Tess with Earl Pascua and Che on our Connect Group (CG) during our lunchtime about my heart-broken incident which was still fresh in my heart (and in my mind). This was mentioned on Episode 18 on the next following day.

Day 78 (September 11th)

Remembering the 9/11 attacks and the rebuild of the American lives, I tried to rebuild and to reconstruct my heart to move on from the past break-up and to start another chapter to look for the “right girl” in the right place and in the right time (the qualifications was mentioned on Episode 20).

Day 80 (September 13th)

I felt so ill during the sunny and hot Sunday morning, but despite of that, I was still able to attend Sunday Feast. I couldn’t be able to finish the session when I decided to go home early (but instead, I just went to the office to take some rest) after I saw something that I didn’t want to see (spotting my former college classmate and friend together with “chubby” and their friends.

Day 83 (September 16th)

I published Episode 20 where I discussed the qualifications of the “Right Girl” for my future (next) girlfriend.

Day 86 (September 19th)

Because I hated to stay at home during my day-off weekend (due of annoying and bullying from my jobless elder brother and tired to watch AlDub which made me so corny because of their kilig moments bothered me as being loveless and heart-broken), I decided to go around outside to refresh my mind and myself. This was my best way to stay away from the “toxic” house where the negativity has been existed. This was mentioned on Episodes 21 and 22.

Day 92 (September 25th)

It had been three months, but in sometimes I didn’t still forget the memories that I had with my former love. I didn’t know why, but I tried to erase her from my mind (and my heart). We never had communication ever since thru Facebook or thru text messaging.

Day 97 (September 30th)

In the past three months, the total of SMS (or text) communication with my friends was only 98 (not included some text messages from unknown source). It was even lower than 450 SMS in the whole month of June (the time when I had my love). Because of deactivating my Smart mobile number last July, I have only communicated with only few of my Feast friends (such as Sis Tess and Lanie) thru SMS.

Day 100 (October 3rd)

Today is the 100th day of being single and loveless, and right now I have published my 24th episode of MTJ on my personal blog about it (and it is the first time to publish today’s episode on weekends). I hope that my loveless days will be not as long as what I had been before (2,573 days or 7 long years of being loveless from June 2005 to June 2012 until I got my first ever non-deaf girlfriend). But I always pray to the Lord that there will be no more 7-year drought (or longer) in my love life because I’m getting older right now and to let myself to have independence from the distractions in my life.



justice for tent's lovelife

I dedicated this song for the memories that I had with my former love after she left me from my heart:


One thought on “My First 100 Days (of My Tent Journal and Being Loveless)

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s