Episode 17 – Tuesday, September 1st, 2015 (6818)
Every day in almost entire of my life (except 2004-2005) since I was born, I’ve been with my family together in one home. But our home is not as sweet as you thought, and my family is not as much as good family. Except my elder siblings who are already married and have their own responsibilities with their own family, my family has been the same as in the past even before I went to United States in 2004-2005 for an exchange program. My father is still choleric although he was suffered mild stroke early this year while my mother has been in high blood and deafened. My eldest sister, who is now in near 50s, has been working in a factory while my elder brother, who is 15 years older than my age and was an OFW, is currently jobless and so makulit every time when he always calls my name again and again, like a goat, to have a “massage” on him (I know he’s joking but NOT really nice for me).
And while I’m in near 30s, I’m still stuck with them in all times. I know some of you will dislike my feelings about my family because I’m showing “disrespect” (or walang utang ng loob) to them, but this is the TRUTH that’s why I’m expressing what I’ve experiencing while I’ve been living with them. I’m still thinking that I want to have a plan to set up my own life (to have independence) from them. Two weekends ago, I was able to watch one of my all-time favorite movies, Back to the Future series (from parts 1-3) although I have already watched these twice (while I was in U.S. in 2005). While I was watching the first part of the movie, I just imagined that the time could be changed (if the time machine or time travel was existed). The scene of the first part of the movie was when Marty McFly (portrayed by Michael J. Fox) was so stubborn with his terrible family (in the year 1985), but he “accidentally” travelled back to the year 1955 on the time travel, he found out he could change the “history” thru the good interaction of his future parents meeting each other in one date night, and it would be changed when he sent back to the year 1985 where he had a happy and nice family. I was thinking of this and asking myself what if… I had been living with my good and happy family?
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I want to share the background of my family. My father is from Batangas while my mother is from Bicol (Albay). They both didn’t study in college because (I think) of the poverty of their respective families during that time (he finished high school in Batangas while she only finished elementary). But what if I invented a time machine then I could send myself back in the past where they were young? My mother could be able to study high school and even college if there was a financial support (scholarship, I mean) especially from her family. If she’s from a rich (or middle-class) family, she could finish her studies up to college as a bachelor, so that she became more educated. Meanwhile, my father was able to finish high school and couldn’t able to continue his studies in college (probably because of poverty, I think), but if the time could change, he might continue his college studies and finished as a bachelor or higher. And if these happened in the present time, my both parents would be successful like business or in their careers, and my family would be richer than what we have right now. Unfortunately, they met and married too early (my mother was only 18 when married). I don’t want to share how they met because that was their own story (not mine), and I really don’t know about their “love” story.
If ever they were successful in their respective careers, of course, they would have a good and happy children (like me and my eldest siblings). It was supposed to have positivity and joyous family like to have bonding, sharing, and travelling together. As I and my other siblings already finished our own college studies, we supposed to have our happy lives. Like my eldest sisters who are both twins, the one is already married while her twin sister is still single in near 50s. In reality, the latter (my other eldest sister) is the responsible of all everyday needs of our family (because she’s the “real” owner of the house where I live with our parents). But if ever my parents (or one of them) had their good job as successful business entrepreneur or employee or whatever, they should be the responsible of our family even they’re getting old like owning a house and lot. However, in sad reality, my father was a security guard in an executive subdivision while my mother has been just a housewife, so that they only rely and depend to their children (including myself) in our everyday commodities.
What if my eldest sister (the other one who is unmarried) has boyfriend or is already married? She should have her responsibility on her personal life (as well as her own “family”). However, in reality, she has been never married (almost half of her entire life) because of her responsibility (and caring) on our elderly parents.
Another thing is about my elder brother. He is the second youngest in our 5 siblings (I’m the youngest), but our age gap is too broaden – 15 years and 1 month apart! I don’t understand why my parents insisted to born one more baby (and that’s me) when they’re already in 40s after their last one 15 years earlier! (But at least and luckily, I’m already here at this world) Anyway, in reality, my elder brother is just rebellious (but not quite), fond to listen rock music, and too hardworking at home but not jobless (in 2014, he was OFW until he quitted). Although we’re just close (but not really), he’s sometimes makulit when he fools me most of the times (especially since I was a child and because I’m the youngest), but I sometimes offend him because some of his funny antics that I don’t appreciate (like what I had mentioned in Episode 14), and he’s hot-tempered often because of my little mistakes that I’ve done even though not on him directly. But I have a question… what if he is not like what he is now? He probably became a successful person having a better job or business. He could be probably a conservative or religious brother that he could help and advise me on my problems and situations, and he might be cool enough (not being hot-tempered) and open-minded with emotions (unlike in his real attitude where he’s not too much emotional). And at his mid-40s, he supposed to have his own family (although, in reality, he has a girlfriend but not too much spending time to have bonding together because she’s also in abroad, working as OFW). It is a disastrous on what my elder brother’s personality right now compared what I’ve expected in my imagination.
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It’s so sad for me to face the reality about the presence of my family right now. Being choleric, negative thinking, almost broke in finances, troubles, anger, and being close-minded are among of the experiences that we have with our family right now, most especially to my father who was suffered mild stroke last January but keeping his mind into negativity after his treatment. I supposed to invite one of them (parents or siblings) to attend Feast to open up their minds from negativity, but none of them tried because of their own priorities. Sometimes, we’re happy but not together as one big, happy family. I’m hoping in the future that my own and future family will be NOT like what my present family do right now. However, at near 30s and having no girlfriend for two months, my dream to set up my independence and having my own future family has been vanished… for a while. But I’m still hoping someday they will be achieved in the right place and in the right time (and for the right girl that she will be my “key” to set up our one happy and positive-minded family).